2/19/09-2/21/09 - Thursday, Friday and Saturday
About 11 of us are off to Siem Reap while the others prepare to leave to go back home and a few to travel on. We visited a few temples in Siem Reap, of course Angkor Wat which was quite amazing. Each temple was beautiful and stunning in it's own way. One had trees intertwined with the temple, the next had 196 Buddha faces, and one after climbing to the top was the best place to watch the sunset. We went to dinner and a show one night where we watched the beautiful Cambodian dancers. I laughed when the Coconut Dance was performed knowing I didn't move as beautiful as each of them. My time in Siem Reap was too short but again I knew I would be back to share this with Ed. I left Saturday morning from Siem Reap to Luang Prabang, Laos. I sit and looked out the window waiting for the plane and felt a heaviness in my heart. Tears filled my eyes once again leaving a country, people and children I fell in love with. But happiness lifted me knowing I will return and I'm on my way to be with Ed.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
National Museum, Dance Performance and The Best Ever Dance Party!
2/18/09 - Wednesday
Unbelievable to say this is the last day. This morning we began with a detox yoga practice consisting of lots of twists, heart openers and forward bends. We close in a circle each sharing the experience for the past 2 weeks. "I am thankful and blessed to be part of all of this. I take home with me a huge bag of awakenings and learnings both good and bad. I'm so grateful to Suzanne and Seane for sharing this magical time with all of us." The afternoon is free to pack and do whatever your heart desires. Karen and I go to the National Museum. It's very interesting with many different old pieces of art and sculptures. Early evening we all go to CCF6 where all the children from the various CCF are there. We gather there for a Dance Performance by many of the children. As the curtain opens and there is a huge banner "Thanking all of the SEVA Challenge Participants", with the CCF and the Off the Mat Into the World logos creatively done, I smile. I'm sitting with a few children as one child takes my camera and begins to snap away. I turn behind me and with such surprise and joy I see Srey Ny. I call her name the best way I could pronounce it. She looks at me, dressed in her beautiful outfit she received a few days ago, a twinkle in her eyes and a smile on her lips. I pick her up and place her on my lap as we watch the show together. It is so beautiful to watch each dance and how gracefully each child moves. The music is lovely and my heart is just singing. I watch Srey Ny as she is so attentive to the dance and children on stage. Her hands clap on mine and after every dance her hands join together clapping with excitement. At one point, I wonder if she and many of the children have ever experienced anything like this before - it saddens me and makes me wonder if children/people in the US or other parts of the world appreciate life as these children do. The amazing show ends and Srey Ny is off my lap to play with some friends. Scott offers a few grateful words to us and the PARTY begins. The music gets louder and the dancing starts. A few girls grab my hand and we dance the night away. Song after song we laugh, smile and move. These children have rythm. It's the best dance party I have ever been too. As my little dancers and myself move around the dance floor, we dance with so many different people, staff members and children. Covered in sweat, we all didn't stop. Scott singing away in Khmer with his body moving and happiness all over his face - I asked him if he knew what he was singing and he sure did. The music continued and our feet didn't stop moving. Before I knew it, it was the last song. But like every last song, there were a couple of last songs. It was time to say "Goodbye". Not sure how many hours it will take but I'll do my best. I hug the staff, and as many of the children I could possible wrap my arms around as I slowly make it towards the exit. I looked for Srey Ny but she was gone - a little pain beated in my heart, not being able to give here a huge hug goodbye. But knowing myself, tears would have flown out of my eyes to say goodbye to her. Even though in my heart I know I will be back there someday. The group of us slowly released those arms and hands tightly around us and one by one we made it onto the bus. Scott joins us for our last dinner together at a nice restaurant. At the end of the dinner, one more hug and goodbye to Scott, an amazing, amazing soul.
Unbelievable to say this is the last day. This morning we began with a detox yoga practice consisting of lots of twists, heart openers and forward bends. We close in a circle each sharing the experience for the past 2 weeks. "I am thankful and blessed to be part of all of this. I take home with me a huge bag of awakenings and learnings both good and bad. I'm so grateful to Suzanne and Seane for sharing this magical time with all of us." The afternoon is free to pack and do whatever your heart desires. Karen and I go to the National Museum. It's very interesting with many different old pieces of art and sculptures. Early evening we all go to CCF6 where all the children from the various CCF are there. We gather there for a Dance Performance by many of the children. As the curtain opens and there is a huge banner "Thanking all of the SEVA Challenge Participants", with the CCF and the Off the Mat Into the World logos creatively done, I smile. I'm sitting with a few children as one child takes my camera and begins to snap away. I turn behind me and with such surprise and joy I see Srey Ny. I call her name the best way I could pronounce it. She looks at me, dressed in her beautiful outfit she received a few days ago, a twinkle in her eyes and a smile on her lips. I pick her up and place her on my lap as we watch the show together. It is so beautiful to watch each dance and how gracefully each child moves. The music is lovely and my heart is just singing. I watch Srey Ny as she is so attentive to the dance and children on stage. Her hands clap on mine and after every dance her hands join together clapping with excitement. At one point, I wonder if she and many of the children have ever experienced anything like this before - it saddens me and makes me wonder if children/people in the US or other parts of the world appreciate life as these children do. The amazing show ends and Srey Ny is off my lap to play with some friends. Scott offers a few grateful words to us and the PARTY begins. The music gets louder and the dancing starts. A few girls grab my hand and we dance the night away. Song after song we laugh, smile and move. These children have rythm. It's the best dance party I have ever been too. As my little dancers and myself move around the dance floor, we dance with so many different people, staff members and children. Covered in sweat, we all didn't stop. Scott singing away in Khmer with his body moving and happiness all over his face - I asked him if he knew what he was singing and he sure did. The music continued and our feet didn't stop moving. Before I knew it, it was the last song. But like every last song, there were a couple of last songs. It was time to say "Goodbye". Not sure how many hours it will take but I'll do my best. I hug the staff, and as many of the children I could possible wrap my arms around as I slowly make it towards the exit. I looked for Srey Ny but she was gone - a little pain beated in my heart, not being able to give here a huge hug goodbye. But knowing myself, tears would have flown out of my eyes to say goodbye to her. Even though in my heart I know I will be back there someday. The group of us slowly released those arms and hands tightly around us and one by one we made it onto the bus. Scott joins us for our last dinner together at a nice restaurant. At the end of the dinner, one more hug and goodbye to Scott, an amazing, amazing soul.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Another Day at the Village!
2/17/09 - Tuesday
We all go back the second day to the Village to help fertilize the rice paddies and herd the water buffaloes not sure what that all means. Definitely something I never did in Brooklyn or Rhode Island. The rice paddies were bought by Scott located not too far from the village itself. It's a big field, appearing to be broken up in patches of squares. The flip flops come off, I pick up a basket of fertilizer venture out to the fields. My foot hesitates in mid-air going into the unknown. What the hell, when will I ever experience anything like this again.? As my foot touches the wet soil in a couple of inches of water, I laugh feeling the dirt and water squish between my toes. I begin to fling the "shit" around as I was showed - laughing. I surprise myself constantly with the things I do. It wasn't just a one time experience, I constantly went back and forth filling up my basket with fertilizer and heading out into the field. Thankfully even though it was hot, the sky was covered with clouds creating shade well needed to work in the fields. This work continued until all the sections of the rice paddies were covered with "shit". It was a beautiful countryside as we walked the water buffaloes back to the village. The people walked along with us as a young boy "Mok" (definitely not sure of the spelling) and his Mom hold my hands. We smile, laugh and somehow communicate with each other. All of us arrive at the village and "all of us" - Seva Challenge Participants and the "Village People" pile onto the bus. I sit with my buddy, Mok and his mom. We are off the the Pagoda Temple. Beautiful and a monk generously offers a chant for us. Sweet music to my ears. The photo session starts after the chanting with smiles and laughs. These people are so warm and loving. We were standing outside the temple preparing to go back on the bus and one woman communicates to me that she likes my white shirt. A shirt I worn over my tank top to cover my shoulders in respect for the temple. I immediately took it off and give it to her. She smiles from ear to ear and says something I just can't understand. I look at her confused and she hooks my finger in hers and manages to say "sisters". Another magical moment and another heart warming experience. Goodbyes and hugs follow as I look each of them in their eyes never forgetting how they each touched my soul.
We all go back the second day to the Village to help fertilize the rice paddies and herd the water buffaloes not sure what that all means. Definitely something I never did in Brooklyn or Rhode Island. The rice paddies were bought by Scott located not too far from the village itself. It's a big field, appearing to be broken up in patches of squares. The flip flops come off, I pick up a basket of fertilizer venture out to the fields. My foot hesitates in mid-air going into the unknown. What the hell, when will I ever experience anything like this again.? As my foot touches the wet soil in a couple of inches of water, I laugh feeling the dirt and water squish between my toes. I begin to fling the "shit" around as I was showed - laughing. I surprise myself constantly with the things I do. It wasn't just a one time experience, I constantly went back and forth filling up my basket with fertilizer and heading out into the field. Thankfully even though it was hot, the sky was covered with clouds creating shade well needed to work in the fields. This work continued until all the sections of the rice paddies were covered with "shit". It was a beautiful countryside as we walked the water buffaloes back to the village. The people walked along with us as a young boy "Mok" (definitely not sure of the spelling) and his Mom hold my hands. We smile, laugh and somehow communicate with each other. All of us arrive at the village and "all of us" - Seva Challenge Participants and the "Village People" pile onto the bus. I sit with my buddy, Mok and his mom. We are off the the Pagoda Temple. Beautiful and a monk generously offers a chant for us. Sweet music to my ears. The photo session starts after the chanting with smiles and laughs. These people are so warm and loving. We were standing outside the temple preparing to go back on the bus and one woman communicates to me that she likes my white shirt. A shirt I worn over my tank top to cover my shoulders in respect for the temple. I immediately took it off and give it to her. She smiles from ear to ear and says something I just can't understand. I look at her confused and she hooks my finger in hers and manages to say "sisters". Another magical moment and another heart warming experience. Goodbyes and hugs follow as I look each of them in their eyes never forgetting how they each touched my soul.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The Village!
2/16/09 - Monday
The whole group is off to a village located about a 90 minute bus ride from Phnom Penh. It's truly a blessing to escape the city and drive through the beautiful countryside filled with fields of lotus flowers. The village was created by guess who - of course, Scott. There are 2 acres of land and housed about 10 families. Again these families as Scott puts it were "Good Families" from the garbage dump. For them, it's like hitting the lottery. There are beautiful homes, community and fresh air. What a blessing to be away from the city - hopefully to give my lungs a rest. I've had a hacking cough since I've been here from the smog and the toxic air. Scott never doing any of this before put stakes in the ground for a swimming pool - not realizing it "the world's largest swimming pool" is created. His hope is to have the children come from the CC and CCF to swim and camp out. The people again are so welcoming and we are there to help them plant vegetables. They graciously show us how to "hoe" the dirt and create rows where the seeds will be planted for some a very familiar activity for me being from Brooklyn - a whole new skill. We all begin, some hoeing, others pulling out weeds, while others smoothed out the dirt. It's extremely hot, with the sun scorching down on us. I feel light headed and dizzy and step into the shade. I laugh as I look at our crooked rows. The people are watching, talking and laughing. We were convinced they were laughing at our work but still very appreciative. We break for lunch and I walk around the village somehow communicating with the people. A smile is universal. After lunch, back out to the fields to plant seeds of bok choy, kale and parsnips. I would love to go back in a year and witness our planting. Would there be huge patches of bok choy while other spots have only 1 parsnip? (lol) We all head back to the hotel for a shower and dinner after a long, hot day in the fields. Unbelievably, a very special person comes to speak with us. It wasn't planned, she ended up being in Cambodia, recognized Sean Corn - they spoke and what more can I say then the Universe always provides when you are open to it. Loung Ung - the author of First They Killed My Father joins us. For those of you not aware of this book, I would strongly suggest a must read. It's her story of her and her families' struggle and survival throughout the Khmer Rouge. She is a wonderful, strong, loving person. It is such an honor to be in her presence. As she begins speaking my ears are wide open listening to every single word. She is funny, strong, sensitive, powerful in a very small, petite frame. I could tell it's the same young girl who ran from the Pol Pot Regime 30 years ago to survive. She shares about her love for her husband with his "juicy ass". (lol) And her love for her parents, siblings, and Cambodia pour out of her heart. She lives in Ohio but has visited Cambodia approximately 30 times since she escaped. Her visits include seeing a couple of siblings who never left Cambodia. But this time besides that she was here for the Tribunal - the trial for Duch, the math teacher turn leader of the S21 Prison. This is the very first trial for the Pol Pot Regime which happened from 1975-1979 - 34 years ago. It was a very special gift to have her share her life with us.
The whole group is off to a village located about a 90 minute bus ride from Phnom Penh. It's truly a blessing to escape the city and drive through the beautiful countryside filled with fields of lotus flowers. The village was created by guess who - of course, Scott. There are 2 acres of land and housed about 10 families. Again these families as Scott puts it were "Good Families" from the garbage dump. For them, it's like hitting the lottery. There are beautiful homes, community and fresh air. What a blessing to be away from the city - hopefully to give my lungs a rest. I've had a hacking cough since I've been here from the smog and the toxic air. Scott never doing any of this before put stakes in the ground for a swimming pool - not realizing it "the world's largest swimming pool" is created. His hope is to have the children come from the CC and CCF to swim and camp out. The people again are so welcoming and we are there to help them plant vegetables. They graciously show us how to "hoe" the dirt and create rows where the seeds will be planted for some a very familiar activity for me being from Brooklyn - a whole new skill. We all begin, some hoeing, others pulling out weeds, while others smoothed out the dirt. It's extremely hot, with the sun scorching down on us. I feel light headed and dizzy and step into the shade. I laugh as I look at our crooked rows. The people are watching, talking and laughing. We were convinced they were laughing at our work but still very appreciative. We break for lunch and I walk around the village somehow communicating with the people. A smile is universal. After lunch, back out to the fields to plant seeds of bok choy, kale and parsnips. I would love to go back in a year and witness our planting. Would there be huge patches of bok choy while other spots have only 1 parsnip? (lol) We all head back to the hotel for a shower and dinner after a long, hot day in the fields. Unbelievably, a very special person comes to speak with us. It wasn't planned, she ended up being in Cambodia, recognized Sean Corn - they spoke and what more can I say then the Universe always provides when you are open to it. Loung Ung - the author of First They Killed My Father joins us. For those of you not aware of this book, I would strongly suggest a must read. It's her story of her and her families' struggle and survival throughout the Khmer Rouge. She is a wonderful, strong, loving person. It is such an honor to be in her presence. As she begins speaking my ears are wide open listening to every single word. She is funny, strong, sensitive, powerful in a very small, petite frame. I could tell it's the same young girl who ran from the Pol Pot Regime 30 years ago to survive. She shares about her love for her husband with his "juicy ass". (lol) And her love for her parents, siblings, and Cambodia pour out of her heart. She lives in Ohio but has visited Cambodia approximately 30 times since she escaped. Her visits include seeing a couple of siblings who never left Cambodia. But this time besides that she was here for the Tribunal - the trial for Duch, the math teacher turn leader of the S21 Prison. This is the very first trial for the Pol Pot Regime which happened from 1975-1979 - 34 years ago. It was a very special gift to have her share her life with us.
A Day Off!
2/15/09 - Sunday
It's wonderful to have a day off. Karen and I go to Seeing Hands Massage for massages given by blind people. An hour turned into 2 hours - full body massage and a foot massage for a total of $12.00 USD. The sense of their touch is unbelievable. The foot massage though painful at times felt wonderful upon completion. We strolled back to the hotel, a young man approached us and said he saw me yesterday at the river. I told him it wasn't me. He preceeded to tell me that many men were giving woman flowers. He turned around and picked a small bunch of flowers and handed them to me - Happy Valentine's Day. We hugged and he gently kissed me on my cheek. His friends laughed as though they were H.S. boys. I smiled and continued to the hotel. I took a dip in the pool, read and journaled before venturing out to dinner. We went to a restaurant where the food was good but spicy. The best thing about this restaurant were the workers who were rescued from the streets. Every night we gather together for Leadership Training and Processing. Tonight we spoke mainly how we could continue to help the children/people in Cambodia.
It's wonderful to have a day off. Karen and I go to Seeing Hands Massage for massages given by blind people. An hour turned into 2 hours - full body massage and a foot massage for a total of $12.00 USD. The sense of their touch is unbelievable. The foot massage though painful at times felt wonderful upon completion. We strolled back to the hotel, a young man approached us and said he saw me yesterday at the river. I told him it wasn't me. He preceeded to tell me that many men were giving woman flowers. He turned around and picked a small bunch of flowers and handed them to me - Happy Valentine's Day. We hugged and he gently kissed me on my cheek. His friends laughed as though they were H.S. boys. I smiled and continued to the hotel. I took a dip in the pool, read and journaled before venturing out to dinner. We went to a restaurant where the food was good but spicy. The best thing about this restaurant were the workers who were rescued from the streets. Every night we gather together for Leadership Training and Processing. Tonight we spoke mainly how we could continue to help the children/people in Cambodia.
Happy Valentine's Day - Community Center
2/14/09 - Saturday
As we arrive at the CC, there is a long line of people waiting for a bag of rice. Scott continuously hands out rice vouchers to many families around the garbage dump. So my hands are needed to bag 10kg of rice. A few of us join a couple of the staff and begin to fill and weigh bags of rice. The line is long and the process is slow. Instead of signatures, they use finger prints, realizing these people don't know how to sign their name. I have no idea how long I'm in there sweating and bagging rice but all is good. These people are starving and I'm grateful I could help in some small way. The line dwindles and we come back outside. The children all have name tags today. Sure enough the little one from the first day sees me again and comes running over with a twinkle in her eyes. I reach down and scoop her up and once again our hearts and smiles connect. I say Ben Srey Ny doing my best to pronounce her name. Her sweet little voice corrects me on the pronunciation of Ben, Scott even gives it a try and Srey Ny (as I learned is her first name) attempts once again to teach us her last name, Ben as her voice gets stronger. Scott and I give it another shot - he smiles and says it's a sound us westerners never could say. Today is an extra special day because I find out Srey Ny doesn't have a sponsor and I decide to sponsor her. My heart is filled with a huge amount of joy and love. The sponsorship program is $100 a month. CCF will keep me updated monthly on her health and school until she is able to read and write. I then will communicate with her directly. I could come visit her at anytime. That sounds somewhat funny - Cambodia being halfway around the world but my love for SE Asia and Srey Ny will definitely bring me back here. A tiny, tiny portion the money we raised bought new outfits and shoes for each of the children at the CC. The distribution of these outfits was absolutely crazy but so well worth it. I helped a few children get dressed - many couldn't take their clothes off fast enough. The excitement and joy was truly a blessing to witness. The smiles they shared (amongst each other) as they checked each other out was priceless. I doubt if these children ever had new clothes before and many probably never wore shoes. A couple of children were waiting to be interviewed and watched with such sadness in their eyes. My heart broke but also filled with hope knowing if they are accepted into the CC their daily life can change. There was a huge pizza party. I'm not sure if the children ate being filled with such excitement over their new outfits. The afternoon ended with the children and staff singing to us. It were the best melodies I have ever heard. I had a couple of hours free before dinner and Leadership Training and took a dip in the pool to cool me off slightly from the hot and steamy weather here.
As we arrive at the CC, there is a long line of people waiting for a bag of rice. Scott continuously hands out rice vouchers to many families around the garbage dump. So my hands are needed to bag 10kg of rice. A few of us join a couple of the staff and begin to fill and weigh bags of rice. The line is long and the process is slow. Instead of signatures, they use finger prints, realizing these people don't know how to sign their name. I have no idea how long I'm in there sweating and bagging rice but all is good. These people are starving and I'm grateful I could help in some small way. The line dwindles and we come back outside. The children all have name tags today. Sure enough the little one from the first day sees me again and comes running over with a twinkle in her eyes. I reach down and scoop her up and once again our hearts and smiles connect. I say Ben Srey Ny doing my best to pronounce her name. Her sweet little voice corrects me on the pronunciation of Ben, Scott even gives it a try and Srey Ny (as I learned is her first name) attempts once again to teach us her last name, Ben as her voice gets stronger. Scott and I give it another shot - he smiles and says it's a sound us westerners never could say. Today is an extra special day because I find out Srey Ny doesn't have a sponsor and I decide to sponsor her. My heart is filled with a huge amount of joy and love. The sponsorship program is $100 a month. CCF will keep me updated monthly on her health and school until she is able to read and write. I then will communicate with her directly. I could come visit her at anytime. That sounds somewhat funny - Cambodia being halfway around the world but my love for SE Asia and Srey Ny will definitely bring me back here. A tiny, tiny portion the money we raised bought new outfits and shoes for each of the children at the CC. The distribution of these outfits was absolutely crazy but so well worth it. I helped a few children get dressed - many couldn't take their clothes off fast enough. The excitement and joy was truly a blessing to witness. The smiles they shared (amongst each other) as they checked each other out was priceless. I doubt if these children ever had new clothes before and many probably never wore shoes. A couple of children were waiting to be interviewed and watched with such sadness in their eyes. My heart broke but also filled with hope knowing if they are accepted into the CC their daily life can change. There was a huge pizza party. I'm not sure if the children ate being filled with such excitement over their new outfits. The afternoon ended with the children and staff singing to us. It were the best melodies I have ever heard. I had a couple of hours free before dinner and Leadership Training and took a dip in the pool to cool me off slightly from the hot and steamy weather here.
Monday, February 23, 2009
CCF 6, CC & Satellite School
2/13- Friday
My group heads to CCF6 . Again the facility is clean as the staff is so welcoming. The children are smiling and as I began to read with them - I'm amazed how well many of them read English. both boys and girls are so sweet and gentle. I notice how willingly each of them want to learn. Again, they love their picture taken, some children would take my camera and later in the day I get to enjoy many pictures. I assist the staff in dishing out the soup and again these deep brown eyes and the sweetest voices would look at me and say "Thank You" It's playtime again - FUN, FUN, FUN. The legos come out and I sit with a bunch of girls and help them build. I notice how well we communicate with each other not being able to speak the same language. Smiles, laughs, hugs and love are so universal. I hear the only words I hate to hear " It's time to go." In the evening, I'm fortunate enough to go back to the Community Center (CC) and the Satellite School. We begin to play with the children outside and once again the little girl who I met the very first day is there. She comes running over to me (our eyes and heart connect) and I sweep her into my arms. A few of us begin to play with a bunch of children under a big parachute. It doesn't take much for these children to have fun. Remember this is a safe place not far from the dump, toxic smell still in the air but a joyful place to get food, care and love. Much different living and working on /around the garbage dump. They create various games with no props. Slowly, Laurel and I understand the instructions. There is so much laughter! Off to the Satellite School which is located on the garbage dump. It's set up very simply - a big tarp serves as the roof, a simple board to write on and a bunch of chairs filled with attentive and eager to learn children. Take a moment, sit and realize what Scott has done, he even thought of educating the children still on the dump- The more I witness here, the more I admire this man. A young girl covered in filth came over to me while I joyfully watched these children learn. I reached down and gently lifted her in my arms. She looked directly into my eyes and we both smiled. Before I knew it she was fast asleep. I was so touched and saddened feeling a young child truly surrender and feel safe in a completely stranger's arm. The power of touch - more than words can express. What a magical moment!
My group heads to CCF6 . Again the facility is clean as the staff is so welcoming. The children are smiling and as I began to read with them - I'm amazed how well many of them read English. both boys and girls are so sweet and gentle. I notice how willingly each of them want to learn. Again, they love their picture taken, some children would take my camera and later in the day I get to enjoy many pictures. I assist the staff in dishing out the soup and again these deep brown eyes and the sweetest voices would look at me and say "Thank You" It's playtime again - FUN, FUN, FUN. The legos come out and I sit with a bunch of girls and help them build. I notice how well we communicate with each other not being able to speak the same language. Smiles, laughs, hugs and love are so universal. I hear the only words I hate to hear " It's time to go." In the evening, I'm fortunate enough to go back to the Community Center (CC) and the Satellite School. We begin to play with the children outside and once again the little girl who I met the very first day is there. She comes running over to me (our eyes and heart connect) and I sweep her into my arms. A few of us begin to play with a bunch of children under a big parachute. It doesn't take much for these children to have fun. Remember this is a safe place not far from the dump, toxic smell still in the air but a joyful place to get food, care and love. Much different living and working on /around the garbage dump. They create various games with no props. Slowly, Laurel and I understand the instructions. There is so much laughter! Off to the Satellite School which is located on the garbage dump. It's set up very simply - a big tarp serves as the roof, a simple board to write on and a bunch of chairs filled with attentive and eager to learn children. Take a moment, sit and realize what Scott has done, he even thought of educating the children still on the dump- The more I witness here, the more I admire this man. A young girl covered in filth came over to me while I joyfully watched these children learn. I reached down and gently lifted her in my arms. She looked directly into my eyes and we both smiled. Before I knew it she was fast asleep. I was so touched and saddened feeling a young child truly surrender and feel safe in a completely stranger's arm. The power of touch - more than words can express. What a magical moment!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
CCF 2 & CCF1
2/12-Thursday
Before I share my day, let me share some of the background of CCF (Cambodian Children's Fund). The donations are split between 1/2 sponsorship and 1/2 private donations. It began with 45 children and now houses 450 children, with a waiting list. To be accepted, a child is interviewed - ask what they like to do, about their parents, siblings and other relatives, abuse and domestic violence. Afterwards the parents are interviewed, then a determination is made if the child is accepted. There are 140 staff members in which half are teachers. The average age of a child is 11 at CCF, meaning most parents are survivors of the Pol Pot Regime. There have been only 12 children kicked out of CCF mainly for stealing.
We are broken out into groups. My group ventures to CCF2. this facility consists of all girls, ages 6-23, many who sleep there. I am immediately impressed of the facility - the cleanliness, organization and the friendliness of the staff. I get to go to the painting class - fun. There are about 8 girls ranging from ages 6-12 - it's very difficult to judge their age, - of course Cambodians are petite but from the malnutrition they endured they haven't grown to their full potential, I ask each of them their name, one by one they politely answer. One little one barely whispered - I whisper back and she laughed. I come to find out, she has only been there for 5 days. What a sweetheart! At first, as most children, they are shy. Slowly one by one become more open. It was heartwarming to hear them speak English. Understanding how much these children want to learn and remembering most of them came from the garbage dump. They ask me to write my name and begin to write " I love you, Jude. Thank you for coming." - Once again my heart melts. I start taking pictures and they love seeing themselves on the camera. After class, I help serve lunch - each and everyone of them looks me in the eyes and says " Thank You" so politely. Lunch is rice served with a vegetable and meat soup. We played with them afterwards - it's amazing how creative these children are. They all ask "What is your name?" and "How are are you?". One child is compelled to teach me Khmer (Cambodian language). We are sitting on the floor and I am nowhere but present with this child. I'm amazed at her persistence and patience. You all know my strong Brooklyn accent, so just imagine me trying to learn Khmer. She says "I love you" in Khmer and slowly brakes it down word by word for me. I try to pronounce it. she smiles, laughs and tries again. We share this precious time together for a while and not due to here wonderful teaching skillls, it's difficult for me to pick it up. I'm then off to help with reading books to them. The teacher has each student tell me their name, age and how many siblings. Most of them have 8, 11, 13 siblings and I thought my family was large with 7 of us. They ask me my name, age and how many siblings. I read a book to them and the teacher graciously translates it for me. It's time to leave and I hug each child. I'm full of content and joy. Most of these children have been abused, lived and worked on the garbage dump and I'm blown away on how loving they all are. I realize I needed to experience S21 Museum, The Killing Fields, the dump to understand how and why these children arrived here. Today was one of the most magical moments I have ever experienced. In the evening, my group visits with the children at CCF1. Laurel (another woman in the group) and I head to a group of older children - both boys and girls. Laurel came up with the idea of Rocket Balloons. There are about 4 groups of 5 children - each worked together to build a Rocket Balloon. They listened and followed instruction step by step not aware of what they were creating. Once completed and the races began, joy, screeches and excitement filled the room. Cheers and laughter was music to my ears and heart. It was so much fun and at times Laurel and I would look at each other and just laugh. The brightness in each of their eyes was a beautiful gift to witness. Afterwards, I followed the music, there was Angela (another woman in the group) coconut shells in hand clapping and dancing with them. Before I knew it, the coconut shells were in my hands and I'm trying to dance with them. The children laughed and patiently helped me not ruin their traditional dance. Nikki (another woman in the group) and I laughed, smiled and joyfully preteneded we knew what we were doing. My heart was filled with such joy and happiness. And again, I was nowhere but dancing, smiling and laughing with them. It's just fantastic. Unfortunately, our times comes to an end and we have to say goodnight. But of course, another magical moment appears as a young girl puts a bracelet on my wrists that she just finished making. My heart is warmed once again and again I couldn't squeeze her hard enough. What a gift to be able to experience all of this! I am so blessed!
Before I share my day, let me share some of the background of CCF (Cambodian Children's Fund). The donations are split between 1/2 sponsorship and 1/2 private donations. It began with 45 children and now houses 450 children, with a waiting list. To be accepted, a child is interviewed - ask what they like to do, about their parents, siblings and other relatives, abuse and domestic violence. Afterwards the parents are interviewed, then a determination is made if the child is accepted. There are 140 staff members in which half are teachers. The average age of a child is 11 at CCF, meaning most parents are survivors of the Pol Pot Regime. There have been only 12 children kicked out of CCF mainly for stealing.
We are broken out into groups. My group ventures to CCF2. this facility consists of all girls, ages 6-23, many who sleep there. I am immediately impressed of the facility - the cleanliness, organization and the friendliness of the staff. I get to go to the painting class - fun. There are about 8 girls ranging from ages 6-12 - it's very difficult to judge their age, - of course Cambodians are petite but from the malnutrition they endured they haven't grown to their full potential, I ask each of them their name, one by one they politely answer. One little one barely whispered - I whisper back and she laughed. I come to find out, she has only been there for 5 days. What a sweetheart! At first, as most children, they are shy. Slowly one by one become more open. It was heartwarming to hear them speak English. Understanding how much these children want to learn and remembering most of them came from the garbage dump. They ask me to write my name and begin to write " I love you, Jude. Thank you for coming." - Once again my heart melts. I start taking pictures and they love seeing themselves on the camera. After class, I help serve lunch - each and everyone of them looks me in the eyes and says " Thank You" so politely. Lunch is rice served with a vegetable and meat soup. We played with them afterwards - it's amazing how creative these children are. They all ask "What is your name?" and "How are are you?". One child is compelled to teach me Khmer (Cambodian language). We are sitting on the floor and I am nowhere but present with this child. I'm amazed at her persistence and patience. You all know my strong Brooklyn accent, so just imagine me trying to learn Khmer. She says "I love you" in Khmer and slowly brakes it down word by word for me. I try to pronounce it. she smiles, laughs and tries again. We share this precious time together for a while and not due to here wonderful teaching skillls, it's difficult for me to pick it up. I'm then off to help with reading books to them. The teacher has each student tell me their name, age and how many siblings. Most of them have 8, 11, 13 siblings and I thought my family was large with 7 of us. They ask me my name, age and how many siblings. I read a book to them and the teacher graciously translates it for me. It's time to leave and I hug each child. I'm full of content and joy. Most of these children have been abused, lived and worked on the garbage dump and I'm blown away on how loving they all are. I realize I needed to experience S21 Museum, The Killing Fields, the dump to understand how and why these children arrived here. Today was one of the most magical moments I have ever experienced. In the evening, my group visits with the children at CCF1. Laurel (another woman in the group) and I head to a group of older children - both boys and girls. Laurel came up with the idea of Rocket Balloons. There are about 4 groups of 5 children - each worked together to build a Rocket Balloon. They listened and followed instruction step by step not aware of what they were creating. Once completed and the races began, joy, screeches and excitement filled the room. Cheers and laughter was music to my ears and heart. It was so much fun and at times Laurel and I would look at each other and just laugh. The brightness in each of their eyes was a beautiful gift to witness. Afterwards, I followed the music, there was Angela (another woman in the group) coconut shells in hand clapping and dancing with them. Before I knew it, the coconut shells were in my hands and I'm trying to dance with them. The children laughed and patiently helped me not ruin their traditional dance. Nikki (another woman in the group) and I laughed, smiled and joyfully preteneded we knew what we were doing. My heart was filled with such joy and happiness. And again, I was nowhere but dancing, smiling and laughing with them. It's just fantastic. Unfortunately, our times comes to an end and we have to say goodnight. But of course, another magical moment appears as a young girl puts a bracelet on my wrists that she just finished making. My heart is warmed once again and again I couldn't squeeze her hard enough. What a gift to be able to experience all of this! I am so blessed!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Royal Palace, A Walk through Phnom Penh
2/11/09 - Wednesday
Off to the Royal Palace with the group, - different for me to take these typical guided tours. It was cool to finally be in at "tuk-tuk"(a taxi). I was more immersed in the culture than taking these big tour buses around. I knew immediately why I don't do them often, of course its informative but it's fast. I'm glad I went to view and witness the beauty of it. I was so amazed that it survived the Khmer Rouge. Why they didn't knock it down or use it as some sort of prison - is surprising and unsensible. The wealth here strikes me odd sitting amongst so much poverty. Afterwards, the group continued to the Russian Market to shop. And me, I decided to stroll the streets of Phnom Penh. I've been here for 4 days already and needed to experience Phnom Penh on my own. I walked through the city with many scooters stopping and asking if I wanted a ride or interested in going to the Killing Fields. All very friendly and nice. It was wonderful to absorb it all in. The pollution here is unbearable but I accept it as a part of being in Cambodia. Upon returning to the hotel, I jump in the pool because unlike the weather back home it's hot here. Off to Bliss Spa, for a wonderful, much needed 1 1/2 hour deep tissue massage for only $28.00 (USD) Again, we finally venture out of the hotel in tuk-tuks for traditional Cambodian food. It was the best food I've enjoyed so far. Surprisingly though, it was more spicy then I thought. Anyway it was delicious. Scott joined us this evening and shares his amazing story. President of Fox - making lots of money, owning the big house, the car, yacht and living the "American dream". He was so unhappy. In between jobs from Fox to Sony, he took some time off and traveled to SE Asia. He witnessed the many poor children throughout the streets of Cambodia and generously gave them money. Until someone told him they are giving it to there parents and never receiving any benefits from it. He was led to the garbage dump and could not believe his eyes. Upon returning to the US, he decided to give his new job at SONY a fair chance and stay a year not to make any impulse decisions. One year later, to the day, he left SONY and headed to Cambodia. Cambodian Children's Fund is born with 45 children and now has approximately 450 children. I am overwhelmed to hear this one amazing human being and the love, compassion, kindness and generosity he has/and continues to share for these beautiful, special children.
CCF Community Center and Garbage Dump
2/10/09 - Tuesday
What a great day! Amazing I could say that after where I was today. Don't get me wrong it was a day full of sadnes and "bare witnessing" the most unbelievable and horrific living conditions. I'm sure the practice with Seane helped me "to be with it" today and "to just show up" which is exactly what I did. The first part of the day was spent at the Community Center (CC). It was started by Scott and has about 70 children a day from the ages 3-6. They spend the day there while the parents are out working in the "dump". There is also medical assistance for the community in which close to 700 people showed up last month. Vanny the woman who spoke the first day about surviving the Khmer Rouges manages it. My heart jumps the minute we pull up and see the children in the distance. There were extra sandwiches, we cut up and distributed to the children. They were in a room watching TV. The staff brought 5 out at a time to get a sandwich. Oh my God, they were adorable - each and everyone put their palms together and said "thank you". My heart melted. I then spent a couple of hours playing, singing and dancing with them. What a treat! As I sat on the floor, one little girl slid right along side of me - I placed my arm around her and sat her on my lap. She looked up at me and again my heart melted. She was beautiful. Before I knew it there were 3 other children sitting around me. At that point - I knew why raising the money and awareness was so important. I felt so happpy and fulfilled. I couldn't think of another place I would rather be. Sally took a picture of us and the children got the biggest kick of seeing themselves on the camera. Kids just swarmed all over me. I laughed, smiled and loved them all. We sang and danced. Each child was so special - like all children all they wanted was love and affection. I couldn't hold enough of them. It was the best time! I knew the constant challenges I faced throughout the past year - the horrific day I had yesterday was all necessary for me "to show up today". At one point, a very special moment, the first little girl who "fed"me grapes, bananas, cherries, and all kinds of fruit put 2 little beautiful pink flowers behind my ears. I couldn't squeeze her hard enough. The joy these children brought me was amazing. They are so beautiful with their deep brown eyes and the cutest smiles. No matter where you are - children are children. The moment I heard Sally say it was time to got to the dump - I looked at her and said "I'm staying here with the children". I didn't want to leave - I was having too much fun. So I put on my big black boots and 4 of us headed to the "dump" with Scott. As we are driving there - the poverty around us is unreal. Scott seems to know everyone and all of their stories. A tour bus is at the dump as we arrive - Scott shares his disgust with us as people are taking pictures. This is not a sight seeing place - people and children are trying to survive and live here. I was not allowed to take pictures - rightfully so - but I will never forget what I "bare witnessed". Scott manuevers around the dump with such grace looking for children or families he could assist. He approached a couple of families and provided them with information to come into the CCF Community Center for a bag of rice. It's the one way he found of getting them there. Once they are there, they may be convinced to bring the children there on a regular basis while the parent works at the garbage dump. He approached one woman, pregnant, who had 2 children - it's very difficult to estimate their age because of the malnutrition. It was wonderful because by the time we got back to the CC she was there with her 2 young girls. I walked through piles and piles of shit, broken glass, syringes, toxic and chemical waste - hundreds of flies in this thick cloud of smoke. We were joined by three young girls who live on the dump - one with no shoes whose mother is dying, another beautiful, spunky, vibrant girl who has full blown HIV and is dying and another girl, 17 years old (of course she looks about 12 years old) with flip flops on. (I gave her my sandals when we got back to the CC who she gave to her sister without shoes even though they were too big for her - the young girl was so happy flooping around in my big sandals.) The young girl with no shoes put her arm around me as I wrapped my arm around her strolling through the dump. A huge bulldozer seems to be following us and Scott informs us about 2 children a month get run over by it. Adults and children picking through garbage, many of them with a scarf around their face hoping to be protected from the toxins, smell and the scorching sun. They spend the entire day out there - possibly making .30 cents a day. At night, they send their children out with lights on their head, to continue searching through the garbage. Families not only live around the dump but on it. We walked right through it. I looked and smiled at people and with all they endured, they warmly smiled back. At one point, a child with brightness in her eyes came running over to me. My eyes got even wider as I recognized her from the CC. I picked her up and she made me so happy. A woman, (forgive me for not remembering the names or how to spell it) who just had a 3-week old baby and Scott is the Godfather generously offers us to come into her home. The space is very small, filthy but the woman smiles while breast feeding her baby. This woman smiles with such beauty never knowing her 7-year old son went to a school one day and never came home. Scott imagines it was trafficking of children and the boy would be 15 years old today. These are just a couple of stories - each person had one horrific story after another and Scott knew many of them, if not all. Many times a husband leaves and a woman remarries - the new husband does not want the children from the previous marriage. They leave the children at the dump. Parents die and children just make their way to the dump to try to survive. I am so grateful for Scott and all he has done to save these children's lives. I am truly witnessing all the money we raised is saving lives.
What a great day! Amazing I could say that after where I was today. Don't get me wrong it was a day full of sadnes and "bare witnessing" the most unbelievable and horrific living conditions. I'm sure the practice with Seane helped me "to be with it" today and "to just show up" which is exactly what I did. The first part of the day was spent at the Community Center (CC). It was started by Scott and has about 70 children a day from the ages 3-6. They spend the day there while the parents are out working in the "dump". There is also medical assistance for the community in which close to 700 people showed up last month. Vanny the woman who spoke the first day about surviving the Khmer Rouges manages it. My heart jumps the minute we pull up and see the children in the distance. There were extra sandwiches, we cut up and distributed to the children. They were in a room watching TV. The staff brought 5 out at a time to get a sandwich. Oh my God, they were adorable - each and everyone put their palms together and said "thank you". My heart melted. I then spent a couple of hours playing, singing and dancing with them. What a treat! As I sat on the floor, one little girl slid right along side of me - I placed my arm around her and sat her on my lap. She looked up at me and again my heart melted. She was beautiful. Before I knew it there were 3 other children sitting around me. At that point - I knew why raising the money and awareness was so important. I felt so happpy and fulfilled. I couldn't think of another place I would rather be. Sally took a picture of us and the children got the biggest kick of seeing themselves on the camera. Kids just swarmed all over me. I laughed, smiled and loved them all. We sang and danced. Each child was so special - like all children all they wanted was love and affection. I couldn't hold enough of them. It was the best time! I knew the constant challenges I faced throughout the past year - the horrific day I had yesterday was all necessary for me "to show up today". At one point, a very special moment, the first little girl who "fed"me grapes, bananas, cherries, and all kinds of fruit put 2 little beautiful pink flowers behind my ears. I couldn't squeeze her hard enough. The joy these children brought me was amazing. They are so beautiful with their deep brown eyes and the cutest smiles. No matter where you are - children are children. The moment I heard Sally say it was time to got to the dump - I looked at her and said "I'm staying here with the children". I didn't want to leave - I was having too much fun. So I put on my big black boots and 4 of us headed to the "dump" with Scott. As we are driving there - the poverty around us is unreal. Scott seems to know everyone and all of their stories. A tour bus is at the dump as we arrive - Scott shares his disgust with us as people are taking pictures. This is not a sight seeing place - people and children are trying to survive and live here. I was not allowed to take pictures - rightfully so - but I will never forget what I "bare witnessed". Scott manuevers around the dump with such grace looking for children or families he could assist. He approached a couple of families and provided them with information to come into the CCF Community Center for a bag of rice. It's the one way he found of getting them there. Once they are there, they may be convinced to bring the children there on a regular basis while the parent works at the garbage dump. He approached one woman, pregnant, who had 2 children - it's very difficult to estimate their age because of the malnutrition. It was wonderful because by the time we got back to the CC she was there with her 2 young girls. I walked through piles and piles of shit, broken glass, syringes, toxic and chemical waste - hundreds of flies in this thick cloud of smoke. We were joined by three young girls who live on the dump - one with no shoes whose mother is dying, another beautiful, spunky, vibrant girl who has full blown HIV and is dying and another girl, 17 years old (of course she looks about 12 years old) with flip flops on. (I gave her my sandals when we got back to the CC who she gave to her sister without shoes even though they were too big for her - the young girl was so happy flooping around in my big sandals.) The young girl with no shoes put her arm around me as I wrapped my arm around her strolling through the dump. A huge bulldozer seems to be following us and Scott informs us about 2 children a month get run over by it. Adults and children picking through garbage, many of them with a scarf around their face hoping to be protected from the toxins, smell and the scorching sun. They spend the entire day out there - possibly making .30 cents a day. At night, they send their children out with lights on their head, to continue searching through the garbage. Families not only live around the dump but on it. We walked right through it. I looked and smiled at people and with all they endured, they warmly smiled back. At one point, a child with brightness in her eyes came running over to me. My eyes got even wider as I recognized her from the CC. I picked her up and she made me so happy. A woman, (forgive me for not remembering the names or how to spell it) who just had a 3-week old baby and Scott is the Godfather generously offers us to come into her home. The space is very small, filthy but the woman smiles while breast feeding her baby. This woman smiles with such beauty never knowing her 7-year old son went to a school one day and never came home. Scott imagines it was trafficking of children and the boy would be 15 years old today. These are just a couple of stories - each person had one horrific story after another and Scott knew many of them, if not all. Many times a husband leaves and a woman remarries - the new husband does not want the children from the previous marriage. They leave the children at the dump. Parents die and children just make their way to the dump to try to survive. I am so grateful for Scott and all he has done to save these children's lives. I am truly witnessing all the money we raised is saving lives.
Monday, February 9, 2009
S21 Museum and the Killing Fields
2/9/09 - 4:00pm, Monday
It's only 4pm and I am emotionally drained. Did I really think by learning as much history of Cambodia, watching the Killing Fields and reading First They Killed My Father, I would be prepared for the "trip" today? The day began with a yoga practice led be Seane (which is always a treat) who was "preparing" us for the day ahead of us. As I began to practice, nausea arose, my sinuses filled with congestion and my head hurt. I felt anxious for a short time and it passed. After the physical practice and the short meditation led by Suzanne, I once again felt "prepared" for the day ahead of me. Suzanne suggested if at any time you lose your ground, just breathe - I thought I could do that, I'm a yogi. We pull up to S21 Museum and split up into 2 groups - Security Office 21, basically a prison. Our tour guide provided us with the history of the Khmer Rouge on the way there, once again "preparing" me what lies ahead. S21 Museum was an old school which was used as a prison during the Pol Pot Regime era - 1975-1979. I began following the tour guide - (forgive me, I'm not sure how to spell his name) listening to every word feeling my heart fill with sadness. As I walked from room to room, seeing a steel frame, leg chains, a small dish, my heart becomes heavy - I breathe as Suzanne suggested and continue. I see the picture of the victim on the wall chained, tortured and a pool of blood around him - disbelief fills me. How could one human being do this to another human being? I walk from room to room seeing and "bare" witnessing the same thing over and over again. My soul is hurting as I feel the sadness around me but my breath continues to ground me. The moment I saw hundred of innocent faces looking at me, my breath seems to disappear. It brought me back to 9/11 when all the pictures of people who were murdered lined the streets throughout NYC including my partner of 15 years, John. The wound I have worked so hard to continually heal is opened up. I stare and look into each of these beautiful people's eyes and become full of sadness and tears. Nobody spared - babies, young children, teenagers, the elderly, men and woman. I see each face with a LIFE behind them - child, maybe a mother, a brother, father, aunt, uncle but knowing these are people that were alive living just like John and all who died on 9/11. My breath is nowhere to be found, tears stream down my face, my heart and soul hurts. My belly feels hollow - I step out and search for my breath. It comes, I wipe my tears and return inside to continue looking as each soul. I'm thankful for Suzanne who told us to breathe. Again, as I continue to look, I'm overwhelmed with how anyone could do this. Our tour guide points at the pictures of the Khmer Rouge Soldiers - the ones with a hat and I feel anger wash all over my body. Anger I haven't felt towards anyone since 9/11. I stepped out once again searching for my breath. I return and look into the soldiers eyes hoping to see a soul. I continue, noticing families live around this prison and it makes me sad. I could just feel the sadness, the torture, the lives taken all around me. An older man who is a survivor shares his story. Again as I look into this man's eyes, I feel and see the pain. He points out the cell he was in and sits down showing us how he sat there. I gasped! It was horrible to witness just a demonstration of it. He was one of seven who survived at S21. The woman and children were kept on the second floor with doors on the cells. Only kept a day or 2 before brought to the Killing Fields to be executed. At one point, I was walking up the stairs, I was forced to stop feeling the torture, pain and ghosts. My belly felt sick, my head hurt, my heart hurt and it was difficult to continue. Suzanne encouraged me along and there were more pictures surrounding me. As we headed back dow, a few of us paused (Suzanne, Brittany, Angela and myself) - we held hands and Suzanne shared a beautiful prayer for these lives. I'm exhausted, emotionally drained with a headache and an upset stomach as I get back on the bus. Wishing we were going back to the room instead of the Killing Fields. The first building we see and enter is a huge building filled with skulls of the victims who were executed. Before entering, I knelt down, prayed for all these lost souls. I walked around looking at the skulls, the clothes they wore and felt numb. The tour guide points out the bodies are in the upper part of the building. I walked around the Killing Fields listening to the tour guide again questioning how this could have happened. As I walked in this open field reading signs of woman and children murdered here, children beaten against this tree and loud speakers hung here - I was numb.
It's only 4pm and I am emotionally drained. Did I really think by learning as much history of Cambodia, watching the Killing Fields and reading First They Killed My Father, I would be prepared for the "trip" today? The day began with a yoga practice led be Seane (which is always a treat) who was "preparing" us for the day ahead of us. As I began to practice, nausea arose, my sinuses filled with congestion and my head hurt. I felt anxious for a short time and it passed. After the physical practice and the short meditation led by Suzanne, I once again felt "prepared" for the day ahead of me. Suzanne suggested if at any time you lose your ground, just breathe - I thought I could do that, I'm a yogi. We pull up to S21 Museum and split up into 2 groups - Security Office 21, basically a prison. Our tour guide provided us with the history of the Khmer Rouge on the way there, once again "preparing" me what lies ahead. S21 Museum was an old school which was used as a prison during the Pol Pot Regime era - 1975-1979. I began following the tour guide - (forgive me, I'm not sure how to spell his name) listening to every word feeling my heart fill with sadness. As I walked from room to room, seeing a steel frame, leg chains, a small dish, my heart becomes heavy - I breathe as Suzanne suggested and continue. I see the picture of the victim on the wall chained, tortured and a pool of blood around him - disbelief fills me. How could one human being do this to another human being? I walk from room to room seeing and "bare" witnessing the same thing over and over again. My soul is hurting as I feel the sadness around me but my breath continues to ground me. The moment I saw hundred of innocent faces looking at me, my breath seems to disappear. It brought me back to 9/11 when all the pictures of people who were murdered lined the streets throughout NYC including my partner of 15 years, John. The wound I have worked so hard to continually heal is opened up. I stare and look into each of these beautiful people's eyes and become full of sadness and tears. Nobody spared - babies, young children, teenagers, the elderly, men and woman. I see each face with a LIFE behind them - child, maybe a mother, a brother, father, aunt, uncle but knowing these are people that were alive living just like John and all who died on 9/11. My breath is nowhere to be found, tears stream down my face, my heart and soul hurts. My belly feels hollow - I step out and search for my breath. It comes, I wipe my tears and return inside to continue looking as each soul. I'm thankful for Suzanne who told us to breathe. Again, as I continue to look, I'm overwhelmed with how anyone could do this. Our tour guide points at the pictures of the Khmer Rouge Soldiers - the ones with a hat and I feel anger wash all over my body. Anger I haven't felt towards anyone since 9/11. I stepped out once again searching for my breath. I return and look into the soldiers eyes hoping to see a soul. I continue, noticing families live around this prison and it makes me sad. I could just feel the sadness, the torture, the lives taken all around me. An older man who is a survivor shares his story. Again as I look into this man's eyes, I feel and see the pain. He points out the cell he was in and sits down showing us how he sat there. I gasped! It was horrible to witness just a demonstration of it. He was one of seven who survived at S21. The woman and children were kept on the second floor with doors on the cells. Only kept a day or 2 before brought to the Killing Fields to be executed. At one point, I was walking up the stairs, I was forced to stop feeling the torture, pain and ghosts. My belly felt sick, my head hurt, my heart hurt and it was difficult to continue. Suzanne encouraged me along and there were more pictures surrounding me. As we headed back dow, a few of us paused (Suzanne, Brittany, Angela and myself) - we held hands and Suzanne shared a beautiful prayer for these lives. I'm exhausted, emotionally drained with a headache and an upset stomach as I get back on the bus. Wishing we were going back to the room instead of the Killing Fields. The first building we see and enter is a huge building filled with skulls of the victims who were executed. Before entering, I knelt down, prayed for all these lost souls. I walked around looking at the skulls, the clothes they wore and felt numb. The tour guide points out the bodies are in the upper part of the building. I walked around the Killing Fields listening to the tour guide again questioning how this could have happened. As I walked in this open field reading signs of woman and children murdered here, children beaten against this tree and loud speakers hung here - I was numb.
Arrived in Cambodia Finally!
2/8/09 - 4:30pm, Sunday - Royal Hotel
As I traveled in a cab from the airport to the hotel, the streets reminded me of driving through parts of Mexico - dirty, small stands with locals selling produce and bread, eating together on the sidewalk outside of their very small businesses. So many scooters driving in and out of traffic - with 1,2, and even 3 people on it. Lots of traffic but light I understand due to it being Sunday. As we pull up to the hotel, I'm amazed how big and beautiful it is. It reminded of the hotel in the Killing Fields which felt unsettling throughout my body. It felt odd to be staying at a 5-star hotel knowing the children that brought me here. We head to CCF1, it all becomes reality as I see the sign and smile at the beautiful children. We meet Scott who is an amazing, loving, kind human being as he plays and talks to the children. Some children are able to spend Sundays with family members if they are safe while others stay. As Suzanne is sitting on the floor, talking to a few children, I join her. I am asked "How old are you?" by these deep brown eyes, the cutest smile with a couple of teeth missing. My heart melts and I am nowhere else but speaking to these children. Scott knows them all by name and each of their stories. I tell him it's amazing what he has done and he looks at me smiles and said "wait, you haven't seen anything yet. I sit with my heart filled with compassion as I hear a woman who survived the Khmer Rouge but lost her parents and extended family totaling approximately 15 people. She was left alone at 16 years old. Scars on her legs from falling from trees trying to get a piece of fruit to eat - a heavy heart and tears running down here face as she claims her mother died becausee of her. The sadness filled my heart as the woman explained her mother died of malnutrition so she would have food. She repeatedly stated "there were so many people like this, not just her." She now works for CCF understanding how difficult it is to be hungry and how she would eat anything (insects, lizard, cockroaches) just to survive. After her, we broke up into groups of 5 because there were 4 other survivors willing to share their story. I sat and listened as the older man's story was translated. 5-6 bullets still in him - I not only saw his physical pain but the sadness and emotional pain he still carries. His 2 daughters are at CCF who Scott mentions are amazing young girls - one is 17 and the other around 14. His wife is very sick with TB. He was a soldier under the government prior to the Pol Pot regime and became a farmer when the Khmer Rouge took over not wanting to be a part of it. He is presently 67 years old therefore being in his early 30's during the Khmer Rouge. He is thankful for Scott and tears fills his eyes as he hopes his daughter's lives are better than his. I could only feel sadness trying to comprehend what these people endured.
As I traveled in a cab from the airport to the hotel, the streets reminded me of driving through parts of Mexico - dirty, small stands with locals selling produce and bread, eating together on the sidewalk outside of their very small businesses. So many scooters driving in and out of traffic - with 1,2, and even 3 people on it. Lots of traffic but light I understand due to it being Sunday. As we pull up to the hotel, I'm amazed how big and beautiful it is. It reminded of the hotel in the Killing Fields which felt unsettling throughout my body. It felt odd to be staying at a 5-star hotel knowing the children that brought me here. We head to CCF1, it all becomes reality as I see the sign and smile at the beautiful children. We meet Scott who is an amazing, loving, kind human being as he plays and talks to the children. Some children are able to spend Sundays with family members if they are safe while others stay. As Suzanne is sitting on the floor, talking to a few children, I join her. I am asked "How old are you?" by these deep brown eyes, the cutest smile with a couple of teeth missing. My heart melts and I am nowhere else but speaking to these children. Scott knows them all by name and each of their stories. I tell him it's amazing what he has done and he looks at me smiles and said "wait, you haven't seen anything yet. I sit with my heart filled with compassion as I hear a woman who survived the Khmer Rouge but lost her parents and extended family totaling approximately 15 people. She was left alone at 16 years old. Scars on her legs from falling from trees trying to get a piece of fruit to eat - a heavy heart and tears running down here face as she claims her mother died becausee of her. The sadness filled my heart as the woman explained her mother died of malnutrition so she would have food. She repeatedly stated "there were so many people like this, not just her." She now works for CCF understanding how difficult it is to be hungry and how she would eat anything (insects, lizard, cockroaches) just to survive. After her, we broke up into groups of 5 because there were 4 other survivors willing to share their story. I sat and listened as the older man's story was translated. 5-6 bullets still in him - I not only saw his physical pain but the sadness and emotional pain he still carries. His 2 daughters are at CCF who Scott mentions are amazing young girls - one is 17 and the other around 14. His wife is very sick with TB. He was a soldier under the government prior to the Pol Pot regime and became a farmer when the Khmer Rouge took over not wanting to be a part of it. He is presently 67 years old therefore being in his early 30's during the Khmer Rouge. He is thankful for Scott and tears fills his eyes as he hopes his daughter's lives are better than his. I could only feel sadness trying to comprehend what these people endured.
Almost There!
2/8/09 - 4:00am, Sunday - Bangkok Intl Airport
What happened to Saturday? (lol)
As I sit patiently waiting for the next and final flight to Cambodia. I arrived in Bangkok at 1:30am and will be leaving about 7:40am. Not feeling tired, I guess my body not sure what day and time it is. I'm almost there so I breathe, read and relax until my next flight.
What happened to Saturday? (lol)
As I sit patiently waiting for the next and final flight to Cambodia. I arrived in Bangkok at 1:30am and will be leaving about 7:40am. Not feeling tired, I guess my body not sure what day and time it is. I'm almost there so I breathe, read and relax until my next flight.
The Long Journey!
2/6/09 - Friday, 4:10pm - SF to Taipei, Taiwan
I missed my flight last night and spent the night in SF. My flights were rearranged and my new date and time of arrival in Phnom Penh, Cambodia is Sunday, 2/8 at 8:50am (that's 8:50pm on Sunday,2/8 back home). As I looked out the window before I boarded the plane - the awakening of leaving the USA begins to settle in. As I boarded the plane filled with disbelief of what actually transpired over the past year, I am welcomed so graciously onto the plane. Happy I'm on EVA Air with the warmth of the crew. NOW - reality begins - I'm going to Cambodia. Settling into my seat and pleased the flight isn't full - I stare out the window and acknowledge I'm going to the other side of the world. Feeling of hollowness in my stomach, and tears in my eyes - Why?, I'm not quite sure. Not nervous but remembering the last time I went to the other side of the world. Thinking I was going to study and learn Thai Massage which I did but met Ed. My heart and my life was in such a different place but the last thing I thought would happen did. My life with Ed began - my heart scared but willing to let him in knowing he was special. So here I sit - with Ed in my heart this time, wondering what lies ahead of me. I wonder with openness and freedom to let the universe provide what it will. My eyes widened, my lips smile as I hear words I can't understand, see symbols and words I can't read but feel a warmth in my heart as I here myself say "I'm going to Cambodia". (filled with emotion and excitement.)
I missed my flight last night and spent the night in SF. My flights were rearranged and my new date and time of arrival in Phnom Penh, Cambodia is Sunday, 2/8 at 8:50am (that's 8:50pm on Sunday,2/8 back home). As I looked out the window before I boarded the plane - the awakening of leaving the USA begins to settle in. As I boarded the plane filled with disbelief of what actually transpired over the past year, I am welcomed so graciously onto the plane. Happy I'm on EVA Air with the warmth of the crew. NOW - reality begins - I'm going to Cambodia. Settling into my seat and pleased the flight isn't full - I stare out the window and acknowledge I'm going to the other side of the world. Feeling of hollowness in my stomach, and tears in my eyes - Why?, I'm not quite sure. Not nervous but remembering the last time I went to the other side of the world. Thinking I was going to study and learn Thai Massage which I did but met Ed. My heart and my life was in such a different place but the last thing I thought would happen did. My life with Ed began - my heart scared but willing to let him in knowing he was special. So here I sit - with Ed in my heart this time, wondering what lies ahead of me. I wonder with openness and freedom to let the universe provide what it will. My eyes widened, my lips smile as I hear words I can't understand, see symbols and words I can't read but feel a warmth in my heart as I here myself say "I'm going to Cambodia". (filled with emotion and excitement.)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Off the Mat and to Cambodia!
Thursday, 2/5/09 - 7:20pm
So here I sit on the plane beginning my "physical" journey to Cambodia. Not sure if it has really sunk in yet. So many flights and hours of travel ahead of me, my thought right now is may I make my connectinf flight in San Francisco to Taipei. Delayed 1 hour in Newark I must surrender to being where I am suppose to be. (smiling) As I sit, going to the unknown, I reflect on how I arrived "here". I remember when I first heard of the Cambodia Challenge from Seane Corn in November, 2007 at a Yoga Conferecne in Florida. My heart filled with excitement knowing I will take action to help save the lives of these children. As I learned more about the project my excitement turned to sadness, fear and hope. Sadness for the children; fear for myself wondering if I could reach "the goal"; hope that I may make a significant difference.
[The pilot just came on and said we will be delayed another hour - just smile.]I realized quickly why it was called a challenge - not only how to raise the $20,000 but the challenges that came up for me personally. So many times throughout the year my emotions went from excitement, joy, hope and courage to fear, sadness, doubt. I constantly reminded myself it wasn't about the end result, - no mattter how much money was raised it will help those children. Very challenging for me who is so goal oriented - to truly practice non-attachment to the the end result was a constant reminder to enjoy the journey. Many ideas swarmed in my head on how to raise the money. So much in my head - it inhibited me from taking action. As I spread the word the support and encouragement as well as money began to flow in. Excitement and hope filled my soul knowing this money will help the Cambodian children. Between generous donations, a yard sale, yoga classes generously given by yoga teachers, furniture sold, sales of t-shirts and
home-made cards, donation boxes in local cleaners, salons and bakery - money and awareness continued to grow. And the more I grew the more the awareness grew. My "voice" began to get "louder" and "louder", the more I shared my compassion for these children, the more people heard. As I listened to my radio interview without any judgement or fear knowing I spoke from my heart believing it's truly not about me, it's to bring awareness of these poor, undernourished children in Cambodia - I smiled. The smile came because along this journey I thought I was helping these children but surprisingly enough or not they brought the "voice" out of me and helped me. By "them" (the children) teaching me to speak, the money and awareness was once again flourishing. My fear, my doubt melted away and more and more people wanted to help. Many events in the Fall once again opened people's hearts. From John's Golf Outing, Rox & Tony's Fun Nite, Cathy's Yoga Meet Dance class, Mary's Mary Kay Party, Anni's SOUPerBOWLfest, and to Lu's dancers beautiful performance of the South County Nutcracker, taught me another lesson. As I heard myself asking people for help, people listened. The friendships created and deepened touched my soul and will continue to share my journey. I was amazed when people come together what could be done - or was it when I asked for help? My picture and story covered local newspapers - very unlike me but it wasn't about me - my intention was to bring awareness of the situation in Cambodia to as many peoples as possible - why not the local paper? As I responded to the reporter's question of "How did you get involved with yoga?" and heard myself say after I lost my partner, John of 15 years on 9/11 I felt more of the armour around my heart chip away. For these children to be able to open up my heart filled with love, compassion and kindness I knew I was listening to my soul. My tears filled my eyes as I spoke to people about this project sharing my "heart" with them. This is a "huge" step for me as I share much love with Ed, my family and friends - the thin layer of protection still there slowly melting away. The awareness and the money began to come in from so many directions - Our Lady of Snow dress down day, sales of rice tote bags and donations in lieu of Christmas gifts. I shared my heart, I spoke my truth, asked for help from "old" friends and new friends and together we raised $21,400. [smile] - filled with an abudance of gratitude and love.
[Also smiling because I'm finally departing Newark at 9:20pm - approximately 3 hours later - hmmm - where will I be sleeping tonight? - smiling, laughing - practicing yoga.]
So here I sit on the plane beginning my "physical" journey to Cambodia. Not sure if it has really sunk in yet. So many flights and hours of travel ahead of me, my thought right now is may I make my connectinf flight in San Francisco to Taipei. Delayed 1 hour in Newark I must surrender to being where I am suppose to be. (smiling) As I sit, going to the unknown, I reflect on how I arrived "here". I remember when I first heard of the Cambodia Challenge from Seane Corn in November, 2007 at a Yoga Conferecne in Florida. My heart filled with excitement knowing I will take action to help save the lives of these children. As I learned more about the project my excitement turned to sadness, fear and hope. Sadness for the children; fear for myself wondering if I could reach "the goal"; hope that I may make a significant difference.
[The pilot just came on and said we will be delayed another hour - just smile.]I realized quickly why it was called a challenge - not only how to raise the $20,000 but the challenges that came up for me personally. So many times throughout the year my emotions went from excitement, joy, hope and courage to fear, sadness, doubt. I constantly reminded myself it wasn't about the end result, - no mattter how much money was raised it will help those children. Very challenging for me who is so goal oriented - to truly practice non-attachment to the the end result was a constant reminder to enjoy the journey. Many ideas swarmed in my head on how to raise the money. So much in my head - it inhibited me from taking action. As I spread the word the support and encouragement as well as money began to flow in. Excitement and hope filled my soul knowing this money will help the Cambodian children. Between generous donations, a yard sale, yoga classes generously given by yoga teachers, furniture sold, sales of t-shirts and
home-made cards, donation boxes in local cleaners, salons and bakery - money and awareness continued to grow. And the more I grew the more the awareness grew. My "voice" began to get "louder" and "louder", the more I shared my compassion for these children, the more people heard. As I listened to my radio interview without any judgement or fear knowing I spoke from my heart believing it's truly not about me, it's to bring awareness of these poor, undernourished children in Cambodia - I smiled. The smile came because along this journey I thought I was helping these children but surprisingly enough or not they brought the "voice" out of me and helped me. By "them" (the children) teaching me to speak, the money and awareness was once again flourishing. My fear, my doubt melted away and more and more people wanted to help. Many events in the Fall once again opened people's hearts. From John's Golf Outing, Rox & Tony's Fun Nite, Cathy's Yoga Meet Dance class, Mary's Mary Kay Party, Anni's SOUPerBOWLfest, and to Lu's dancers beautiful performance of the South County Nutcracker, taught me another lesson. As I heard myself asking people for help, people listened. The friendships created and deepened touched my soul and will continue to share my journey. I was amazed when people come together what could be done - or was it when I asked for help? My picture and story covered local newspapers - very unlike me but it wasn't about me - my intention was to bring awareness of the situation in Cambodia to as many peoples as possible - why not the local paper? As I responded to the reporter's question of "How did you get involved with yoga?" and heard myself say after I lost my partner, John of 15 years on 9/11 I felt more of the armour around my heart chip away. For these children to be able to open up my heart filled with love, compassion and kindness I knew I was listening to my soul. My tears filled my eyes as I spoke to people about this project sharing my "heart" with them. This is a "huge" step for me as I share much love with Ed, my family and friends - the thin layer of protection still there slowly melting away. The awareness and the money began to come in from so many directions - Our Lady of Snow dress down day, sales of rice tote bags and donations in lieu of Christmas gifts. I shared my heart, I spoke my truth, asked for help from "old" friends and new friends and together we raised $21,400. [smile] - filled with an abudance of gratitude and love.
[Also smiling because I'm finally departing Newark at 9:20pm - approximately 3 hours later - hmmm - where will I be sleeping tonight? - smiling, laughing - practicing yoga.]
WAS IT ALL ABOUT REACHING THE $20,000 GOAL?
This quote was read during a yoga class a couple of weeks ago and touched my heart & soul.
"Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term. it's who we become, as we overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve our goals that can give us the deepest and most long lasting sense of fulfillment." Anthony Robbins
"Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term. it's who we become, as we overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve our goals that can give us the deepest and most long lasting sense of fulfillment." Anthony Robbins
"BARE WITNESS-CAMBODIA CHALLENGE 2008" - INTENTION
The first step of the challenge was to submit my intention to Off the Mat, Into the World (OTM). Intention is very powerful when it comes from your heart-below was my intention.
I "Jude Monteserrato" commit to taking the 2008 Off the Mat, Into the World Seva Challenge because I want to be a leader for change in my community and in the world.
I intend to raise $20,000 or more for the Cambodian Children's Fund and to journey with OTM to Cambodia in February 2009 to make a difference in the lives of children and to change my life.
The reason this journey is important for me is:
I know this is the path I should follow, I have traveled to many places - Thailand, Dominican Republic, Costa Rica to name a few. It brought much heartfelt sadness and tears when I saw how people lived and what they had. Upon returning home it was very challenging to witness the excess and waste in this country. My thoughts and daily prayers continued to be with these people in other parts of the world. Many times throughout the day I found myself thinking about helping them. Like many people my life continued.
I am blessed with 2 beautiful young nieces (ages 5 1/2 and 7) who my sister and brother-in-law adopted from China. As I was reviewing the information and watching the video online about the orphanages, garbage dumps, the children, CCF and the 2008 Cambodia Challenge with tears running down my face, all I could think about were my 2 nieces and where they would be if never adopted. I knew at the moment that besides my daily prayers I must take ACTION and make a significant difference.
My personal hope for the year is:
through my daily yoga and meditation procatice I continue to grow as a person. With perseverance I will become a strong leader. One who will educate and bring AWARENESS about the children in Cambodia to those that cross my path. The courage I build will knock down any obstacles to impede my ability to raise this money. The dream for the year is to make a positive impact for the children in Cambodia.
I will step forth into this challenge in act of SEVA, with the highest intention of making a permanent difference.
I will rise up as a leader, with the support of my community, educating those around me and emerging from this experience as a more loving individual committed to taking action and creating positive change.
I "Jude Monteserrato" commit to taking the 2008 Off the Mat, Into the World Seva Challenge because I want to be a leader for change in my community and in the world.
I intend to raise $20,000 or more for the Cambodian Children's Fund and to journey with OTM to Cambodia in February 2009 to make a difference in the lives of children and to change my life.
The reason this journey is important for me is:
I know this is the path I should follow, I have traveled to many places - Thailand, Dominican Republic, Costa Rica to name a few. It brought much heartfelt sadness and tears when I saw how people lived and what they had. Upon returning home it was very challenging to witness the excess and waste in this country. My thoughts and daily prayers continued to be with these people in other parts of the world. Many times throughout the day I found myself thinking about helping them. Like many people my life continued.
I am blessed with 2 beautiful young nieces (ages 5 1/2 and 7) who my sister and brother-in-law adopted from China. As I was reviewing the information and watching the video online about the orphanages, garbage dumps, the children, CCF and the 2008 Cambodia Challenge with tears running down my face, all I could think about were my 2 nieces and where they would be if never adopted. I knew at the moment that besides my daily prayers I must take ACTION and make a significant difference.
My personal hope for the year is:
through my daily yoga and meditation procatice I continue to grow as a person. With perseverance I will become a strong leader. One who will educate and bring AWARENESS about the children in Cambodia to those that cross my path. The courage I build will knock down any obstacles to impede my ability to raise this money. The dream for the year is to make a positive impact for the children in Cambodia.
I will step forth into this challenge in act of SEVA, with the highest intention of making a permanent difference.
I will rise up as a leader, with the support of my community, educating those around me and emerging from this experience as a more loving individual committed to taking action and creating positive change.
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