2/16/09 - Monday
The whole group is off to a village located about a 90 minute bus ride from Phnom Penh. It's truly a blessing to escape the city and drive through the beautiful countryside filled with fields of lotus flowers. The village was created by guess who - of course, Scott. There are 2 acres of land and housed about 10 families. Again these families as Scott puts it were "Good Families" from the garbage dump. For them, it's like hitting the lottery. There are beautiful homes, community and fresh air. What a blessing to be away from the city - hopefully to give my lungs a rest. I've had a hacking cough since I've been here from the smog and the toxic air. Scott never doing any of this before put stakes in the ground for a swimming pool - not realizing it "the world's largest swimming pool" is created. His hope is to have the children come from the CC and CCF to swim and camp out. The people again are so welcoming and we are there to help them plant vegetables. They graciously show us how to "hoe" the dirt and create rows where the seeds will be planted for some a very familiar activity for me being from Brooklyn - a whole new skill. We all begin, some hoeing, others pulling out weeds, while others smoothed out the dirt. It's extremely hot, with the sun scorching down on us. I feel light headed and dizzy and step into the shade. I laugh as I look at our crooked rows. The people are watching, talking and laughing. We were convinced they were laughing at our work but still very appreciative. We break for lunch and I walk around the village somehow communicating with the people. A smile is universal. After lunch, back out to the fields to plant seeds of bok choy, kale and parsnips. I would love to go back in a year and witness our planting. Would there be huge patches of bok choy while other spots have only 1 parsnip? (lol) We all head back to the hotel for a shower and dinner after a long, hot day in the fields. Unbelievably, a very special person comes to speak with us. It wasn't planned, she ended up being in Cambodia, recognized Sean Corn - they spoke and what more can I say then the Universe always provides when you are open to it. Loung Ung - the author of First They Killed My Father joins us. For those of you not aware of this book, I would strongly suggest a must read. It's her story of her and her families' struggle and survival throughout the Khmer Rouge. She is a wonderful, strong, loving person. It is such an honor to be in her presence. As she begins speaking my ears are wide open listening to every single word. She is funny, strong, sensitive, powerful in a very small, petite frame. I could tell it's the same young girl who ran from the Pol Pot Regime 30 years ago to survive. She shares about her love for her husband with his "juicy ass". (lol) And her love for her parents, siblings, and Cambodia pour out of her heart. She lives in Ohio but has visited Cambodia approximately 30 times since she escaped. Her visits include seeing a couple of siblings who never left Cambodia. But this time besides that she was here for the Tribunal - the trial for Duch, the math teacher turn leader of the S21 Prison. This is the very first trial for the Pol Pot Regime which happened from 1975-1979 - 34 years ago. It was a very special gift to have her share her life with us.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
A Day Off!
2/15/09 - Sunday
It's wonderful to have a day off. Karen and I go to Seeing Hands Massage for massages given by blind people. An hour turned into 2 hours - full body massage and a foot massage for a total of $12.00 USD. The sense of their touch is unbelievable. The foot massage though painful at times felt wonderful upon completion. We strolled back to the hotel, a young man approached us and said he saw me yesterday at the river. I told him it wasn't me. He preceeded to tell me that many men were giving woman flowers. He turned around and picked a small bunch of flowers and handed them to me - Happy Valentine's Day. We hugged and he gently kissed me on my cheek. His friends laughed as though they were H.S. boys. I smiled and continued to the hotel. I took a dip in the pool, read and journaled before venturing out to dinner. We went to a restaurant where the food was good but spicy. The best thing about this restaurant were the workers who were rescued from the streets. Every night we gather together for Leadership Training and Processing. Tonight we spoke mainly how we could continue to help the children/people in Cambodia.
It's wonderful to have a day off. Karen and I go to Seeing Hands Massage for massages given by blind people. An hour turned into 2 hours - full body massage and a foot massage for a total of $12.00 USD. The sense of their touch is unbelievable. The foot massage though painful at times felt wonderful upon completion. We strolled back to the hotel, a young man approached us and said he saw me yesterday at the river. I told him it wasn't me. He preceeded to tell me that many men were giving woman flowers. He turned around and picked a small bunch of flowers and handed them to me - Happy Valentine's Day. We hugged and he gently kissed me on my cheek. His friends laughed as though they were H.S. boys. I smiled and continued to the hotel. I took a dip in the pool, read and journaled before venturing out to dinner. We went to a restaurant where the food was good but spicy. The best thing about this restaurant were the workers who were rescued from the streets. Every night we gather together for Leadership Training and Processing. Tonight we spoke mainly how we could continue to help the children/people in Cambodia.
Happy Valentine's Day - Community Center
2/14/09 - Saturday
As we arrive at the CC, there is a long line of people waiting for a bag of rice. Scott continuously hands out rice vouchers to many families around the garbage dump. So my hands are needed to bag 10kg of rice. A few of us join a couple of the staff and begin to fill and weigh bags of rice. The line is long and the process is slow. Instead of signatures, they use finger prints, realizing these people don't know how to sign their name. I have no idea how long I'm in there sweating and bagging rice but all is good. These people are starving and I'm grateful I could help in some small way. The line dwindles and we come back outside. The children all have name tags today. Sure enough the little one from the first day sees me again and comes running over with a twinkle in her eyes. I reach down and scoop her up and once again our hearts and smiles connect. I say Ben Srey Ny doing my best to pronounce her name. Her sweet little voice corrects me on the pronunciation of Ben, Scott even gives it a try and Srey Ny (as I learned is her first name) attempts once again to teach us her last name, Ben as her voice gets stronger. Scott and I give it another shot - he smiles and says it's a sound us westerners never could say. Today is an extra special day because I find out Srey Ny doesn't have a sponsor and I decide to sponsor her. My heart is filled with a huge amount of joy and love. The sponsorship program is $100 a month. CCF will keep me updated monthly on her health and school until she is able to read and write. I then will communicate with her directly. I could come visit her at anytime. That sounds somewhat funny - Cambodia being halfway around the world but my love for SE Asia and Srey Ny will definitely bring me back here. A tiny, tiny portion the money we raised bought new outfits and shoes for each of the children at the CC. The distribution of these outfits was absolutely crazy but so well worth it. I helped a few children get dressed - many couldn't take their clothes off fast enough. The excitement and joy was truly a blessing to witness. The smiles they shared (amongst each other) as they checked each other out was priceless. I doubt if these children ever had new clothes before and many probably never wore shoes. A couple of children were waiting to be interviewed and watched with such sadness in their eyes. My heart broke but also filled with hope knowing if they are accepted into the CC their daily life can change. There was a huge pizza party. I'm not sure if the children ate being filled with such excitement over their new outfits. The afternoon ended with the children and staff singing to us. It were the best melodies I have ever heard. I had a couple of hours free before dinner and Leadership Training and took a dip in the pool to cool me off slightly from the hot and steamy weather here.
As we arrive at the CC, there is a long line of people waiting for a bag of rice. Scott continuously hands out rice vouchers to many families around the garbage dump. So my hands are needed to bag 10kg of rice. A few of us join a couple of the staff and begin to fill and weigh bags of rice. The line is long and the process is slow. Instead of signatures, they use finger prints, realizing these people don't know how to sign their name. I have no idea how long I'm in there sweating and bagging rice but all is good. These people are starving and I'm grateful I could help in some small way. The line dwindles and we come back outside. The children all have name tags today. Sure enough the little one from the first day sees me again and comes running over with a twinkle in her eyes. I reach down and scoop her up and once again our hearts and smiles connect. I say Ben Srey Ny doing my best to pronounce her name. Her sweet little voice corrects me on the pronunciation of Ben, Scott even gives it a try and Srey Ny (as I learned is her first name) attempts once again to teach us her last name, Ben as her voice gets stronger. Scott and I give it another shot - he smiles and says it's a sound us westerners never could say. Today is an extra special day because I find out Srey Ny doesn't have a sponsor and I decide to sponsor her. My heart is filled with a huge amount of joy and love. The sponsorship program is $100 a month. CCF will keep me updated monthly on her health and school until she is able to read and write. I then will communicate with her directly. I could come visit her at anytime. That sounds somewhat funny - Cambodia being halfway around the world but my love for SE Asia and Srey Ny will definitely bring me back here. A tiny, tiny portion the money we raised bought new outfits and shoes for each of the children at the CC. The distribution of these outfits was absolutely crazy but so well worth it. I helped a few children get dressed - many couldn't take their clothes off fast enough. The excitement and joy was truly a blessing to witness. The smiles they shared (amongst each other) as they checked each other out was priceless. I doubt if these children ever had new clothes before and many probably never wore shoes. A couple of children were waiting to be interviewed and watched with such sadness in their eyes. My heart broke but also filled with hope knowing if they are accepted into the CC their daily life can change. There was a huge pizza party. I'm not sure if the children ate being filled with such excitement over their new outfits. The afternoon ended with the children and staff singing to us. It were the best melodies I have ever heard. I had a couple of hours free before dinner and Leadership Training and took a dip in the pool to cool me off slightly from the hot and steamy weather here.
Monday, February 23, 2009
CCF 6, CC & Satellite School
2/13- Friday
My group heads to CCF6 . Again the facility is clean as the staff is so welcoming. The children are smiling and as I began to read with them - I'm amazed how well many of them read English. both boys and girls are so sweet and gentle. I notice how willingly each of them want to learn. Again, they love their picture taken, some children would take my camera and later in the day I get to enjoy many pictures. I assist the staff in dishing out the soup and again these deep brown eyes and the sweetest voices would look at me and say "Thank You" It's playtime again - FUN, FUN, FUN. The legos come out and I sit with a bunch of girls and help them build. I notice how well we communicate with each other not being able to speak the same language. Smiles, laughs, hugs and love are so universal. I hear the only words I hate to hear " It's time to go." In the evening, I'm fortunate enough to go back to the Community Center (CC) and the Satellite School. We begin to play with the children outside and once again the little girl who I met the very first day is there. She comes running over to me (our eyes and heart connect) and I sweep her into my arms. A few of us begin to play with a bunch of children under a big parachute. It doesn't take much for these children to have fun. Remember this is a safe place not far from the dump, toxic smell still in the air but a joyful place to get food, care and love. Much different living and working on /around the garbage dump. They create various games with no props. Slowly, Laurel and I understand the instructions. There is so much laughter! Off to the Satellite School which is located on the garbage dump. It's set up very simply - a big tarp serves as the roof, a simple board to write on and a bunch of chairs filled with attentive and eager to learn children. Take a moment, sit and realize what Scott has done, he even thought of educating the children still on the dump- The more I witness here, the more I admire this man. A young girl covered in filth came over to me while I joyfully watched these children learn. I reached down and gently lifted her in my arms. She looked directly into my eyes and we both smiled. Before I knew it she was fast asleep. I was so touched and saddened feeling a young child truly surrender and feel safe in a completely stranger's arm. The power of touch - more than words can express. What a magical moment!
My group heads to CCF6 . Again the facility is clean as the staff is so welcoming. The children are smiling and as I began to read with them - I'm amazed how well many of them read English. both boys and girls are so sweet and gentle. I notice how willingly each of them want to learn. Again, they love their picture taken, some children would take my camera and later in the day I get to enjoy many pictures. I assist the staff in dishing out the soup and again these deep brown eyes and the sweetest voices would look at me and say "Thank You" It's playtime again - FUN, FUN, FUN. The legos come out and I sit with a bunch of girls and help them build. I notice how well we communicate with each other not being able to speak the same language. Smiles, laughs, hugs and love are so universal. I hear the only words I hate to hear " It's time to go." In the evening, I'm fortunate enough to go back to the Community Center (CC) and the Satellite School. We begin to play with the children outside and once again the little girl who I met the very first day is there. She comes running over to me (our eyes and heart connect) and I sweep her into my arms. A few of us begin to play with a bunch of children under a big parachute. It doesn't take much for these children to have fun. Remember this is a safe place not far from the dump, toxic smell still in the air but a joyful place to get food, care and love. Much different living and working on /around the garbage dump. They create various games with no props. Slowly, Laurel and I understand the instructions. There is so much laughter! Off to the Satellite School which is located on the garbage dump. It's set up very simply - a big tarp serves as the roof, a simple board to write on and a bunch of chairs filled with attentive and eager to learn children. Take a moment, sit and realize what Scott has done, he even thought of educating the children still on the dump- The more I witness here, the more I admire this man. A young girl covered in filth came over to me while I joyfully watched these children learn. I reached down and gently lifted her in my arms. She looked directly into my eyes and we both smiled. Before I knew it she was fast asleep. I was so touched and saddened feeling a young child truly surrender and feel safe in a completely stranger's arm. The power of touch - more than words can express. What a magical moment!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
CCF 2 & CCF1
2/12-Thursday
Before I share my day, let me share some of the background of CCF (Cambodian Children's Fund). The donations are split between 1/2 sponsorship and 1/2 private donations. It began with 45 children and now houses 450 children, with a waiting list. To be accepted, a child is interviewed - ask what they like to do, about their parents, siblings and other relatives, abuse and domestic violence. Afterwards the parents are interviewed, then a determination is made if the child is accepted. There are 140 staff members in which half are teachers. The average age of a child is 11 at CCF, meaning most parents are survivors of the Pol Pot Regime. There have been only 12 children kicked out of CCF mainly for stealing.
We are broken out into groups. My group ventures to CCF2. this facility consists of all girls, ages 6-23, many who sleep there. I am immediately impressed of the facility - the cleanliness, organization and the friendliness of the staff. I get to go to the painting class - fun. There are about 8 girls ranging from ages 6-12 - it's very difficult to judge their age, - of course Cambodians are petite but from the malnutrition they endured they haven't grown to their full potential, I ask each of them their name, one by one they politely answer. One little one barely whispered - I whisper back and she laughed. I come to find out, she has only been there for 5 days. What a sweetheart! At first, as most children, they are shy. Slowly one by one become more open. It was heartwarming to hear them speak English. Understanding how much these children want to learn and remembering most of them came from the garbage dump. They ask me to write my name and begin to write " I love you, Jude. Thank you for coming." - Once again my heart melts. I start taking pictures and they love seeing themselves on the camera. After class, I help serve lunch - each and everyone of them looks me in the eyes and says " Thank You" so politely. Lunch is rice served with a vegetable and meat soup. We played with them afterwards - it's amazing how creative these children are. They all ask "What is your name?" and "How are are you?". One child is compelled to teach me Khmer (Cambodian language). We are sitting on the floor and I am nowhere but present with this child. I'm amazed at her persistence and patience. You all know my strong Brooklyn accent, so just imagine me trying to learn Khmer. She says "I love you" in Khmer and slowly brakes it down word by word for me. I try to pronounce it. she smiles, laughs and tries again. We share this precious time together for a while and not due to here wonderful teaching skillls, it's difficult for me to pick it up. I'm then off to help with reading books to them. The teacher has each student tell me their name, age and how many siblings. Most of them have 8, 11, 13 siblings and I thought my family was large with 7 of us. They ask me my name, age and how many siblings. I read a book to them and the teacher graciously translates it for me. It's time to leave and I hug each child. I'm full of content and joy. Most of these children have been abused, lived and worked on the garbage dump and I'm blown away on how loving they all are. I realize I needed to experience S21 Museum, The Killing Fields, the dump to understand how and why these children arrived here. Today was one of the most magical moments I have ever experienced. In the evening, my group visits with the children at CCF1. Laurel (another woman in the group) and I head to a group of older children - both boys and girls. Laurel came up with the idea of Rocket Balloons. There are about 4 groups of 5 children - each worked together to build a Rocket Balloon. They listened and followed instruction step by step not aware of what they were creating. Once completed and the races began, joy, screeches and excitement filled the room. Cheers and laughter was music to my ears and heart. It was so much fun and at times Laurel and I would look at each other and just laugh. The brightness in each of their eyes was a beautiful gift to witness. Afterwards, I followed the music, there was Angela (another woman in the group) coconut shells in hand clapping and dancing with them. Before I knew it, the coconut shells were in my hands and I'm trying to dance with them. The children laughed and patiently helped me not ruin their traditional dance. Nikki (another woman in the group) and I laughed, smiled and joyfully preteneded we knew what we were doing. My heart was filled with such joy and happiness. And again, I was nowhere but dancing, smiling and laughing with them. It's just fantastic. Unfortunately, our times comes to an end and we have to say goodnight. But of course, another magical moment appears as a young girl puts a bracelet on my wrists that she just finished making. My heart is warmed once again and again I couldn't squeeze her hard enough. What a gift to be able to experience all of this! I am so blessed!
Before I share my day, let me share some of the background of CCF (Cambodian Children's Fund). The donations are split between 1/2 sponsorship and 1/2 private donations. It began with 45 children and now houses 450 children, with a waiting list. To be accepted, a child is interviewed - ask what they like to do, about their parents, siblings and other relatives, abuse and domestic violence. Afterwards the parents are interviewed, then a determination is made if the child is accepted. There are 140 staff members in which half are teachers. The average age of a child is 11 at CCF, meaning most parents are survivors of the Pol Pot Regime. There have been only 12 children kicked out of CCF mainly for stealing.
We are broken out into groups. My group ventures to CCF2. this facility consists of all girls, ages 6-23, many who sleep there. I am immediately impressed of the facility - the cleanliness, organization and the friendliness of the staff. I get to go to the painting class - fun. There are about 8 girls ranging from ages 6-12 - it's very difficult to judge their age, - of course Cambodians are petite but from the malnutrition they endured they haven't grown to their full potential, I ask each of them their name, one by one they politely answer. One little one barely whispered - I whisper back and she laughed. I come to find out, she has only been there for 5 days. What a sweetheart! At first, as most children, they are shy. Slowly one by one become more open. It was heartwarming to hear them speak English. Understanding how much these children want to learn and remembering most of them came from the garbage dump. They ask me to write my name and begin to write " I love you, Jude. Thank you for coming." - Once again my heart melts. I start taking pictures and they love seeing themselves on the camera. After class, I help serve lunch - each and everyone of them looks me in the eyes and says " Thank You" so politely. Lunch is rice served with a vegetable and meat soup. We played with them afterwards - it's amazing how creative these children are. They all ask "What is your name?" and "How are are you?". One child is compelled to teach me Khmer (Cambodian language). We are sitting on the floor and I am nowhere but present with this child. I'm amazed at her persistence and patience. You all know my strong Brooklyn accent, so just imagine me trying to learn Khmer. She says "I love you" in Khmer and slowly brakes it down word by word for me. I try to pronounce it. she smiles, laughs and tries again. We share this precious time together for a while and not due to here wonderful teaching skillls, it's difficult for me to pick it up. I'm then off to help with reading books to them. The teacher has each student tell me their name, age and how many siblings. Most of them have 8, 11, 13 siblings and I thought my family was large with 7 of us. They ask me my name, age and how many siblings. I read a book to them and the teacher graciously translates it for me. It's time to leave and I hug each child. I'm full of content and joy. Most of these children have been abused, lived and worked on the garbage dump and I'm blown away on how loving they all are. I realize I needed to experience S21 Museum, The Killing Fields, the dump to understand how and why these children arrived here. Today was one of the most magical moments I have ever experienced. In the evening, my group visits with the children at CCF1. Laurel (another woman in the group) and I head to a group of older children - both boys and girls. Laurel came up with the idea of Rocket Balloons. There are about 4 groups of 5 children - each worked together to build a Rocket Balloon. They listened and followed instruction step by step not aware of what they were creating. Once completed and the races began, joy, screeches and excitement filled the room. Cheers and laughter was music to my ears and heart. It was so much fun and at times Laurel and I would look at each other and just laugh. The brightness in each of their eyes was a beautiful gift to witness. Afterwards, I followed the music, there was Angela (another woman in the group) coconut shells in hand clapping and dancing with them. Before I knew it, the coconut shells were in my hands and I'm trying to dance with them. The children laughed and patiently helped me not ruin their traditional dance. Nikki (another woman in the group) and I laughed, smiled and joyfully preteneded we knew what we were doing. My heart was filled with such joy and happiness. And again, I was nowhere but dancing, smiling and laughing with them. It's just fantastic. Unfortunately, our times comes to an end and we have to say goodnight. But of course, another magical moment appears as a young girl puts a bracelet on my wrists that she just finished making. My heart is warmed once again and again I couldn't squeeze her hard enough. What a gift to be able to experience all of this! I am so blessed!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Royal Palace, A Walk through Phnom Penh
2/11/09 - Wednesday
Off to the Royal Palace with the group, - different for me to take these typical guided tours. It was cool to finally be in at "tuk-tuk"(a taxi). I was more immersed in the culture than taking these big tour buses around. I knew immediately why I don't do them often, of course its informative but it's fast. I'm glad I went to view and witness the beauty of it. I was so amazed that it survived the Khmer Rouge. Why they didn't knock it down or use it as some sort of prison - is surprising and unsensible. The wealth here strikes me odd sitting amongst so much poverty. Afterwards, the group continued to the Russian Market to shop. And me, I decided to stroll the streets of Phnom Penh. I've been here for 4 days already and needed to experience Phnom Penh on my own. I walked through the city with many scooters stopping and asking if I wanted a ride or interested in going to the Killing Fields. All very friendly and nice. It was wonderful to absorb it all in. The pollution here is unbearable but I accept it as a part of being in Cambodia. Upon returning to the hotel, I jump in the pool because unlike the weather back home it's hot here. Off to Bliss Spa, for a wonderful, much needed 1 1/2 hour deep tissue massage for only $28.00 (USD) Again, we finally venture out of the hotel in tuk-tuks for traditional Cambodian food. It was the best food I've enjoyed so far. Surprisingly though, it was more spicy then I thought. Anyway it was delicious. Scott joined us this evening and shares his amazing story. President of Fox - making lots of money, owning the big house, the car, yacht and living the "American dream". He was so unhappy. In between jobs from Fox to Sony, he took some time off and traveled to SE Asia. He witnessed the many poor children throughout the streets of Cambodia and generously gave them money. Until someone told him they are giving it to there parents and never receiving any benefits from it. He was led to the garbage dump and could not believe his eyes. Upon returning to the US, he decided to give his new job at SONY a fair chance and stay a year not to make any impulse decisions. One year later, to the day, he left SONY and headed to Cambodia. Cambodian Children's Fund is born with 45 children and now has approximately 450 children. I am overwhelmed to hear this one amazing human being and the love, compassion, kindness and generosity he has/and continues to share for these beautiful, special children.
CCF Community Center and Garbage Dump
2/10/09 - Tuesday
What a great day! Amazing I could say that after where I was today. Don't get me wrong it was a day full of sadnes and "bare witnessing" the most unbelievable and horrific living conditions. I'm sure the practice with Seane helped me "to be with it" today and "to just show up" which is exactly what I did. The first part of the day was spent at the Community Center (CC). It was started by Scott and has about 70 children a day from the ages 3-6. They spend the day there while the parents are out working in the "dump". There is also medical assistance for the community in which close to 700 people showed up last month. Vanny the woman who spoke the first day about surviving the Khmer Rouges manages it. My heart jumps the minute we pull up and see the children in the distance. There were extra sandwiches, we cut up and distributed to the children. They were in a room watching TV. The staff brought 5 out at a time to get a sandwich. Oh my God, they were adorable - each and everyone put their palms together and said "thank you". My heart melted. I then spent a couple of hours playing, singing and dancing with them. What a treat! As I sat on the floor, one little girl slid right along side of me - I placed my arm around her and sat her on my lap. She looked up at me and again my heart melted. She was beautiful. Before I knew it there were 3 other children sitting around me. At that point - I knew why raising the money and awareness was so important. I felt so happpy and fulfilled. I couldn't think of another place I would rather be. Sally took a picture of us and the children got the biggest kick of seeing themselves on the camera. Kids just swarmed all over me. I laughed, smiled and loved them all. We sang and danced. Each child was so special - like all children all they wanted was love and affection. I couldn't hold enough of them. It was the best time! I knew the constant challenges I faced throughout the past year - the horrific day I had yesterday was all necessary for me "to show up today". At one point, a very special moment, the first little girl who "fed"me grapes, bananas, cherries, and all kinds of fruit put 2 little beautiful pink flowers behind my ears. I couldn't squeeze her hard enough. The joy these children brought me was amazing. They are so beautiful with their deep brown eyes and the cutest smiles. No matter where you are - children are children. The moment I heard Sally say it was time to got to the dump - I looked at her and said "I'm staying here with the children". I didn't want to leave - I was having too much fun. So I put on my big black boots and 4 of us headed to the "dump" with Scott. As we are driving there - the poverty around us is unreal. Scott seems to know everyone and all of their stories. A tour bus is at the dump as we arrive - Scott shares his disgust with us as people are taking pictures. This is not a sight seeing place - people and children are trying to survive and live here. I was not allowed to take pictures - rightfully so - but I will never forget what I "bare witnessed". Scott manuevers around the dump with such grace looking for children or families he could assist. He approached a couple of families and provided them with information to come into the CCF Community Center for a bag of rice. It's the one way he found of getting them there. Once they are there, they may be convinced to bring the children there on a regular basis while the parent works at the garbage dump. He approached one woman, pregnant, who had 2 children - it's very difficult to estimate their age because of the malnutrition. It was wonderful because by the time we got back to the CC she was there with her 2 young girls. I walked through piles and piles of shit, broken glass, syringes, toxic and chemical waste - hundreds of flies in this thick cloud of smoke. We were joined by three young girls who live on the dump - one with no shoes whose mother is dying, another beautiful, spunky, vibrant girl who has full blown HIV and is dying and another girl, 17 years old (of course she looks about 12 years old) with flip flops on. (I gave her my sandals when we got back to the CC who she gave to her sister without shoes even though they were too big for her - the young girl was so happy flooping around in my big sandals.) The young girl with no shoes put her arm around me as I wrapped my arm around her strolling through the dump. A huge bulldozer seems to be following us and Scott informs us about 2 children a month get run over by it. Adults and children picking through garbage, many of them with a scarf around their face hoping to be protected from the toxins, smell and the scorching sun. They spend the entire day out there - possibly making .30 cents a day. At night, they send their children out with lights on their head, to continue searching through the garbage. Families not only live around the dump but on it. We walked right through it. I looked and smiled at people and with all they endured, they warmly smiled back. At one point, a child with brightness in her eyes came running over to me. My eyes got even wider as I recognized her from the CC. I picked her up and she made me so happy. A woman, (forgive me for not remembering the names or how to spell it) who just had a 3-week old baby and Scott is the Godfather generously offers us to come into her home. The space is very small, filthy but the woman smiles while breast feeding her baby. This woman smiles with such beauty never knowing her 7-year old son went to a school one day and never came home. Scott imagines it was trafficking of children and the boy would be 15 years old today. These are just a couple of stories - each person had one horrific story after another and Scott knew many of them, if not all. Many times a husband leaves and a woman remarries - the new husband does not want the children from the previous marriage. They leave the children at the dump. Parents die and children just make their way to the dump to try to survive. I am so grateful for Scott and all he has done to save these children's lives. I am truly witnessing all the money we raised is saving lives.
What a great day! Amazing I could say that after where I was today. Don't get me wrong it was a day full of sadnes and "bare witnessing" the most unbelievable and horrific living conditions. I'm sure the practice with Seane helped me "to be with it" today and "to just show up" which is exactly what I did. The first part of the day was spent at the Community Center (CC). It was started by Scott and has about 70 children a day from the ages 3-6. They spend the day there while the parents are out working in the "dump". There is also medical assistance for the community in which close to 700 people showed up last month. Vanny the woman who spoke the first day about surviving the Khmer Rouges manages it. My heart jumps the minute we pull up and see the children in the distance. There were extra sandwiches, we cut up and distributed to the children. They were in a room watching TV. The staff brought 5 out at a time to get a sandwich. Oh my God, they were adorable - each and everyone put their palms together and said "thank you". My heart melted. I then spent a couple of hours playing, singing and dancing with them. What a treat! As I sat on the floor, one little girl slid right along side of me - I placed my arm around her and sat her on my lap. She looked up at me and again my heart melted. She was beautiful. Before I knew it there were 3 other children sitting around me. At that point - I knew why raising the money and awareness was so important. I felt so happpy and fulfilled. I couldn't think of another place I would rather be. Sally took a picture of us and the children got the biggest kick of seeing themselves on the camera. Kids just swarmed all over me. I laughed, smiled and loved them all. We sang and danced. Each child was so special - like all children all they wanted was love and affection. I couldn't hold enough of them. It was the best time! I knew the constant challenges I faced throughout the past year - the horrific day I had yesterday was all necessary for me "to show up today". At one point, a very special moment, the first little girl who "fed"me grapes, bananas, cherries, and all kinds of fruit put 2 little beautiful pink flowers behind my ears. I couldn't squeeze her hard enough. The joy these children brought me was amazing. They are so beautiful with their deep brown eyes and the cutest smiles. No matter where you are - children are children. The moment I heard Sally say it was time to got to the dump - I looked at her and said "I'm staying here with the children". I didn't want to leave - I was having too much fun. So I put on my big black boots and 4 of us headed to the "dump" with Scott. As we are driving there - the poverty around us is unreal. Scott seems to know everyone and all of their stories. A tour bus is at the dump as we arrive - Scott shares his disgust with us as people are taking pictures. This is not a sight seeing place - people and children are trying to survive and live here. I was not allowed to take pictures - rightfully so - but I will never forget what I "bare witnessed". Scott manuevers around the dump with such grace looking for children or families he could assist. He approached a couple of families and provided them with information to come into the CCF Community Center for a bag of rice. It's the one way he found of getting them there. Once they are there, they may be convinced to bring the children there on a regular basis while the parent works at the garbage dump. He approached one woman, pregnant, who had 2 children - it's very difficult to estimate their age because of the malnutrition. It was wonderful because by the time we got back to the CC she was there with her 2 young girls. I walked through piles and piles of shit, broken glass, syringes, toxic and chemical waste - hundreds of flies in this thick cloud of smoke. We were joined by three young girls who live on the dump - one with no shoes whose mother is dying, another beautiful, spunky, vibrant girl who has full blown HIV and is dying and another girl, 17 years old (of course she looks about 12 years old) with flip flops on. (I gave her my sandals when we got back to the CC who she gave to her sister without shoes even though they were too big for her - the young girl was so happy flooping around in my big sandals.) The young girl with no shoes put her arm around me as I wrapped my arm around her strolling through the dump. A huge bulldozer seems to be following us and Scott informs us about 2 children a month get run over by it. Adults and children picking through garbage, many of them with a scarf around their face hoping to be protected from the toxins, smell and the scorching sun. They spend the entire day out there - possibly making .30 cents a day. At night, they send their children out with lights on their head, to continue searching through the garbage. Families not only live around the dump but on it. We walked right through it. I looked and smiled at people and with all they endured, they warmly smiled back. At one point, a child with brightness in her eyes came running over to me. My eyes got even wider as I recognized her from the CC. I picked her up and she made me so happy. A woman, (forgive me for not remembering the names or how to spell it) who just had a 3-week old baby and Scott is the Godfather generously offers us to come into her home. The space is very small, filthy but the woman smiles while breast feeding her baby. This woman smiles with such beauty never knowing her 7-year old son went to a school one day and never came home. Scott imagines it was trafficking of children and the boy would be 15 years old today. These are just a couple of stories - each person had one horrific story after another and Scott knew many of them, if not all. Many times a husband leaves and a woman remarries - the new husband does not want the children from the previous marriage. They leave the children at the dump. Parents die and children just make their way to the dump to try to survive. I am so grateful for Scott and all he has done to save these children's lives. I am truly witnessing all the money we raised is saving lives.
Monday, February 9, 2009
S21 Museum and the Killing Fields
2/9/09 - 4:00pm, Monday
It's only 4pm and I am emotionally drained. Did I really think by learning as much history of Cambodia, watching the Killing Fields and reading First They Killed My Father, I would be prepared for the "trip" today? The day began with a yoga practice led be Seane (which is always a treat) who was "preparing" us for the day ahead of us. As I began to practice, nausea arose, my sinuses filled with congestion and my head hurt. I felt anxious for a short time and it passed. After the physical practice and the short meditation led by Suzanne, I once again felt "prepared" for the day ahead of me. Suzanne suggested if at any time you lose your ground, just breathe - I thought I could do that, I'm a yogi. We pull up to S21 Museum and split up into 2 groups - Security Office 21, basically a prison. Our tour guide provided us with the history of the Khmer Rouge on the way there, once again "preparing" me what lies ahead. S21 Museum was an old school which was used as a prison during the Pol Pot Regime era - 1975-1979. I began following the tour guide - (forgive me, I'm not sure how to spell his name) listening to every word feeling my heart fill with sadness. As I walked from room to room, seeing a steel frame, leg chains, a small dish, my heart becomes heavy - I breathe as Suzanne suggested and continue. I see the picture of the victim on the wall chained, tortured and a pool of blood around him - disbelief fills me. How could one human being do this to another human being? I walk from room to room seeing and "bare" witnessing the same thing over and over again. My soul is hurting as I feel the sadness around me but my breath continues to ground me. The moment I saw hundred of innocent faces looking at me, my breath seems to disappear. It brought me back to 9/11 when all the pictures of people who were murdered lined the streets throughout NYC including my partner of 15 years, John. The wound I have worked so hard to continually heal is opened up. I stare and look into each of these beautiful people's eyes and become full of sadness and tears. Nobody spared - babies, young children, teenagers, the elderly, men and woman. I see each face with a LIFE behind them - child, maybe a mother, a brother, father, aunt, uncle but knowing these are people that were alive living just like John and all who died on 9/11. My breath is nowhere to be found, tears stream down my face, my heart and soul hurts. My belly feels hollow - I step out and search for my breath. It comes, I wipe my tears and return inside to continue looking as each soul. I'm thankful for Suzanne who told us to breathe. Again, as I continue to look, I'm overwhelmed with how anyone could do this. Our tour guide points at the pictures of the Khmer Rouge Soldiers - the ones with a hat and I feel anger wash all over my body. Anger I haven't felt towards anyone since 9/11. I stepped out once again searching for my breath. I return and look into the soldiers eyes hoping to see a soul. I continue, noticing families live around this prison and it makes me sad. I could just feel the sadness, the torture, the lives taken all around me. An older man who is a survivor shares his story. Again as I look into this man's eyes, I feel and see the pain. He points out the cell he was in and sits down showing us how he sat there. I gasped! It was horrible to witness just a demonstration of it. He was one of seven who survived at S21. The woman and children were kept on the second floor with doors on the cells. Only kept a day or 2 before brought to the Killing Fields to be executed. At one point, I was walking up the stairs, I was forced to stop feeling the torture, pain and ghosts. My belly felt sick, my head hurt, my heart hurt and it was difficult to continue. Suzanne encouraged me along and there were more pictures surrounding me. As we headed back dow, a few of us paused (Suzanne, Brittany, Angela and myself) - we held hands and Suzanne shared a beautiful prayer for these lives. I'm exhausted, emotionally drained with a headache and an upset stomach as I get back on the bus. Wishing we were going back to the room instead of the Killing Fields. The first building we see and enter is a huge building filled with skulls of the victims who were executed. Before entering, I knelt down, prayed for all these lost souls. I walked around looking at the skulls, the clothes they wore and felt numb. The tour guide points out the bodies are in the upper part of the building. I walked around the Killing Fields listening to the tour guide again questioning how this could have happened. As I walked in this open field reading signs of woman and children murdered here, children beaten against this tree and loud speakers hung here - I was numb.
It's only 4pm and I am emotionally drained. Did I really think by learning as much history of Cambodia, watching the Killing Fields and reading First They Killed My Father, I would be prepared for the "trip" today? The day began with a yoga practice led be Seane (which is always a treat) who was "preparing" us for the day ahead of us. As I began to practice, nausea arose, my sinuses filled with congestion and my head hurt. I felt anxious for a short time and it passed. After the physical practice and the short meditation led by Suzanne, I once again felt "prepared" for the day ahead of me. Suzanne suggested if at any time you lose your ground, just breathe - I thought I could do that, I'm a yogi. We pull up to S21 Museum and split up into 2 groups - Security Office 21, basically a prison. Our tour guide provided us with the history of the Khmer Rouge on the way there, once again "preparing" me what lies ahead. S21 Museum was an old school which was used as a prison during the Pol Pot Regime era - 1975-1979. I began following the tour guide - (forgive me, I'm not sure how to spell his name) listening to every word feeling my heart fill with sadness. As I walked from room to room, seeing a steel frame, leg chains, a small dish, my heart becomes heavy - I breathe as Suzanne suggested and continue. I see the picture of the victim on the wall chained, tortured and a pool of blood around him - disbelief fills me. How could one human being do this to another human being? I walk from room to room seeing and "bare" witnessing the same thing over and over again. My soul is hurting as I feel the sadness around me but my breath continues to ground me. The moment I saw hundred of innocent faces looking at me, my breath seems to disappear. It brought me back to 9/11 when all the pictures of people who were murdered lined the streets throughout NYC including my partner of 15 years, John. The wound I have worked so hard to continually heal is opened up. I stare and look into each of these beautiful people's eyes and become full of sadness and tears. Nobody spared - babies, young children, teenagers, the elderly, men and woman. I see each face with a LIFE behind them - child, maybe a mother, a brother, father, aunt, uncle but knowing these are people that were alive living just like John and all who died on 9/11. My breath is nowhere to be found, tears stream down my face, my heart and soul hurts. My belly feels hollow - I step out and search for my breath. It comes, I wipe my tears and return inside to continue looking as each soul. I'm thankful for Suzanne who told us to breathe. Again, as I continue to look, I'm overwhelmed with how anyone could do this. Our tour guide points at the pictures of the Khmer Rouge Soldiers - the ones with a hat and I feel anger wash all over my body. Anger I haven't felt towards anyone since 9/11. I stepped out once again searching for my breath. I return and look into the soldiers eyes hoping to see a soul. I continue, noticing families live around this prison and it makes me sad. I could just feel the sadness, the torture, the lives taken all around me. An older man who is a survivor shares his story. Again as I look into this man's eyes, I feel and see the pain. He points out the cell he was in and sits down showing us how he sat there. I gasped! It was horrible to witness just a demonstration of it. He was one of seven who survived at S21. The woman and children were kept on the second floor with doors on the cells. Only kept a day or 2 before brought to the Killing Fields to be executed. At one point, I was walking up the stairs, I was forced to stop feeling the torture, pain and ghosts. My belly felt sick, my head hurt, my heart hurt and it was difficult to continue. Suzanne encouraged me along and there were more pictures surrounding me. As we headed back dow, a few of us paused (Suzanne, Brittany, Angela and myself) - we held hands and Suzanne shared a beautiful prayer for these lives. I'm exhausted, emotionally drained with a headache and an upset stomach as I get back on the bus. Wishing we were going back to the room instead of the Killing Fields. The first building we see and enter is a huge building filled with skulls of the victims who were executed. Before entering, I knelt down, prayed for all these lost souls. I walked around looking at the skulls, the clothes they wore and felt numb. The tour guide points out the bodies are in the upper part of the building. I walked around the Killing Fields listening to the tour guide again questioning how this could have happened. As I walked in this open field reading signs of woman and children murdered here, children beaten against this tree and loud speakers hung here - I was numb.
Arrived in Cambodia Finally!
2/8/09 - 4:30pm, Sunday - Royal Hotel
As I traveled in a cab from the airport to the hotel, the streets reminded me of driving through parts of Mexico - dirty, small stands with locals selling produce and bread, eating together on the sidewalk outside of their very small businesses. So many scooters driving in and out of traffic - with 1,2, and even 3 people on it. Lots of traffic but light I understand due to it being Sunday. As we pull up to the hotel, I'm amazed how big and beautiful it is. It reminded of the hotel in the Killing Fields which felt unsettling throughout my body. It felt odd to be staying at a 5-star hotel knowing the children that brought me here. We head to CCF1, it all becomes reality as I see the sign and smile at the beautiful children. We meet Scott who is an amazing, loving, kind human being as he plays and talks to the children. Some children are able to spend Sundays with family members if they are safe while others stay. As Suzanne is sitting on the floor, talking to a few children, I join her. I am asked "How old are you?" by these deep brown eyes, the cutest smile with a couple of teeth missing. My heart melts and I am nowhere else but speaking to these children. Scott knows them all by name and each of their stories. I tell him it's amazing what he has done and he looks at me smiles and said "wait, you haven't seen anything yet. I sit with my heart filled with compassion as I hear a woman who survived the Khmer Rouge but lost her parents and extended family totaling approximately 15 people. She was left alone at 16 years old. Scars on her legs from falling from trees trying to get a piece of fruit to eat - a heavy heart and tears running down here face as she claims her mother died becausee of her. The sadness filled my heart as the woman explained her mother died of malnutrition so she would have food. She repeatedly stated "there were so many people like this, not just her." She now works for CCF understanding how difficult it is to be hungry and how she would eat anything (insects, lizard, cockroaches) just to survive. After her, we broke up into groups of 5 because there were 4 other survivors willing to share their story. I sat and listened as the older man's story was translated. 5-6 bullets still in him - I not only saw his physical pain but the sadness and emotional pain he still carries. His 2 daughters are at CCF who Scott mentions are amazing young girls - one is 17 and the other around 14. His wife is very sick with TB. He was a soldier under the government prior to the Pol Pot regime and became a farmer when the Khmer Rouge took over not wanting to be a part of it. He is presently 67 years old therefore being in his early 30's during the Khmer Rouge. He is thankful for Scott and tears fills his eyes as he hopes his daughter's lives are better than his. I could only feel sadness trying to comprehend what these people endured.
As I traveled in a cab from the airport to the hotel, the streets reminded me of driving through parts of Mexico - dirty, small stands with locals selling produce and bread, eating together on the sidewalk outside of their very small businesses. So many scooters driving in and out of traffic - with 1,2, and even 3 people on it. Lots of traffic but light I understand due to it being Sunday. As we pull up to the hotel, I'm amazed how big and beautiful it is. It reminded of the hotel in the Killing Fields which felt unsettling throughout my body. It felt odd to be staying at a 5-star hotel knowing the children that brought me here. We head to CCF1, it all becomes reality as I see the sign and smile at the beautiful children. We meet Scott who is an amazing, loving, kind human being as he plays and talks to the children. Some children are able to spend Sundays with family members if they are safe while others stay. As Suzanne is sitting on the floor, talking to a few children, I join her. I am asked "How old are you?" by these deep brown eyes, the cutest smile with a couple of teeth missing. My heart melts and I am nowhere else but speaking to these children. Scott knows them all by name and each of their stories. I tell him it's amazing what he has done and he looks at me smiles and said "wait, you haven't seen anything yet. I sit with my heart filled with compassion as I hear a woman who survived the Khmer Rouge but lost her parents and extended family totaling approximately 15 people. She was left alone at 16 years old. Scars on her legs from falling from trees trying to get a piece of fruit to eat - a heavy heart and tears running down here face as she claims her mother died becausee of her. The sadness filled my heart as the woman explained her mother died of malnutrition so she would have food. She repeatedly stated "there were so many people like this, not just her." She now works for CCF understanding how difficult it is to be hungry and how she would eat anything (insects, lizard, cockroaches) just to survive. After her, we broke up into groups of 5 because there were 4 other survivors willing to share their story. I sat and listened as the older man's story was translated. 5-6 bullets still in him - I not only saw his physical pain but the sadness and emotional pain he still carries. His 2 daughters are at CCF who Scott mentions are amazing young girls - one is 17 and the other around 14. His wife is very sick with TB. He was a soldier under the government prior to the Pol Pot regime and became a farmer when the Khmer Rouge took over not wanting to be a part of it. He is presently 67 years old therefore being in his early 30's during the Khmer Rouge. He is thankful for Scott and tears fills his eyes as he hopes his daughter's lives are better than his. I could only feel sadness trying to comprehend what these people endured.
Almost There!
2/8/09 - 4:00am, Sunday - Bangkok Intl Airport
What happened to Saturday? (lol)
As I sit patiently waiting for the next and final flight to Cambodia. I arrived in Bangkok at 1:30am and will be leaving about 7:40am. Not feeling tired, I guess my body not sure what day and time it is. I'm almost there so I breathe, read and relax until my next flight.
What happened to Saturday? (lol)
As I sit patiently waiting for the next and final flight to Cambodia. I arrived in Bangkok at 1:30am and will be leaving about 7:40am. Not feeling tired, I guess my body not sure what day and time it is. I'm almost there so I breathe, read and relax until my next flight.
The Long Journey!
2/6/09 - Friday, 4:10pm - SF to Taipei, Taiwan
I missed my flight last night and spent the night in SF. My flights were rearranged and my new date and time of arrival in Phnom Penh, Cambodia is Sunday, 2/8 at 8:50am (that's 8:50pm on Sunday,2/8 back home). As I looked out the window before I boarded the plane - the awakening of leaving the USA begins to settle in. As I boarded the plane filled with disbelief of what actually transpired over the past year, I am welcomed so graciously onto the plane. Happy I'm on EVA Air with the warmth of the crew. NOW - reality begins - I'm going to Cambodia. Settling into my seat and pleased the flight isn't full - I stare out the window and acknowledge I'm going to the other side of the world. Feeling of hollowness in my stomach, and tears in my eyes - Why?, I'm not quite sure. Not nervous but remembering the last time I went to the other side of the world. Thinking I was going to study and learn Thai Massage which I did but met Ed. My heart and my life was in such a different place but the last thing I thought would happen did. My life with Ed began - my heart scared but willing to let him in knowing he was special. So here I sit - with Ed in my heart this time, wondering what lies ahead of me. I wonder with openness and freedom to let the universe provide what it will. My eyes widened, my lips smile as I hear words I can't understand, see symbols and words I can't read but feel a warmth in my heart as I here myself say "I'm going to Cambodia". (filled with emotion and excitement.)
I missed my flight last night and spent the night in SF. My flights were rearranged and my new date and time of arrival in Phnom Penh, Cambodia is Sunday, 2/8 at 8:50am (that's 8:50pm on Sunday,2/8 back home). As I looked out the window before I boarded the plane - the awakening of leaving the USA begins to settle in. As I boarded the plane filled with disbelief of what actually transpired over the past year, I am welcomed so graciously onto the plane. Happy I'm on EVA Air with the warmth of the crew. NOW - reality begins - I'm going to Cambodia. Settling into my seat and pleased the flight isn't full - I stare out the window and acknowledge I'm going to the other side of the world. Feeling of hollowness in my stomach, and tears in my eyes - Why?, I'm not quite sure. Not nervous but remembering the last time I went to the other side of the world. Thinking I was going to study and learn Thai Massage which I did but met Ed. My heart and my life was in such a different place but the last thing I thought would happen did. My life with Ed began - my heart scared but willing to let him in knowing he was special. So here I sit - with Ed in my heart this time, wondering what lies ahead of me. I wonder with openness and freedom to let the universe provide what it will. My eyes widened, my lips smile as I hear words I can't understand, see symbols and words I can't read but feel a warmth in my heart as I here myself say "I'm going to Cambodia". (filled with emotion and excitement.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
